Teapot's Long Walk

At the end of my last post, Satan had delivered his one-two punch of guilt and self doubt. I was leaving a job I had truly loved, and a place that I had thought rested on the pinnacle of the Christian faith, and I was walking toward my van to leave both forever. And everything was black. Everything. My faith in man and God was gone, and I did not want to move forward.

I resigned of my own choice. But that decision was based on how the administration of my department had treated me as a woman, and co-worker, as well as the lack of support from the school administration. I had fought, since my husband had left the school two years before, to receive the same benefits as my male co-workers. After a long year of paying tuition for the only child enrolled at that time, and a struggle to work until five and throughout the summer without the benefit of paid child care, my struggles seem to pay off, and I was granted back tuition and child care. I was exceptionally happy, and I felt validated. The news came while my family was on vacation in South Dakota, and I actually looked forward to the end of vacation and my return to work.

Someone posted the other day on Facebook saying that if you can tell your story without crying, then you are healed. But, even four years later, I still can't talk or write about this without shedding a least a few tears. 

When I returned to work after vacation, things became much worse. I had a staff co-worker lie directly to my face, and then deny it. I overheard comments and implications about how I, along with one or two other department employees needed to be forced out because we demanded too much training for our student workers. And I found that many of the female students did not want to deal with that same co-worker because of the questionable things he said to them. Scheduling changes in training were made and I was not informed, along with many other actions and talks that I now realize were harassment. At one staff meeting, I made the statement that if I were a man, I would be more respected. One co-worker said to me under his

breath "You know, there's an operation for that."I did report it, and I was brushed aside. Yet I still heard in chapel, and in faculty staff meetings that all these kinds of decisions were made by godly men, making prayerful, godly choices. And I kept trying.

But day after day, I returned home from work, crying, stressed and sick. Rumors about me and my family flew around the school, and made their way to my church. It wasn't that I was worried about the rumors because that's just what they were. But it was those who heard them, knew they weren't true and did nothing. At all. In fact, the main rumormonger was promoted above to "keep him away from the students as you requested." As the school year passed, I knew I had to leave for my own health, and for my family.

That long walk was only a hundred feet or so, but by the time I reached the driver's side door, I had determined that God must be watching from very far away, if indeed He existed, and that I had been an idiot to trust that He would bother with me.

So, here I am again-at that van. The walk is over, but the next few months were very dark. Again, I say that if God had not watched over me, and lead me even in my blindness toward Him, I would not be here to write these words.

Next, I'll finish the details of those darkest months, and share how God in His wisdom and grace delivered me.

God is Good,

Teapotjan

Steeping in the Scriptures

One of my closest friends shared a post earlier with me concerning how many pastors and leaders in churches tend to rehash old sermons and thoughts that they have had scribbled in their notes for years without revisiting the Scriptures sited and current applications.

Many lay persons, including me, do much the same. We live day in, day out applying principles learned months or years before, complacent in our practice. While I can't really authoritatively label this a sin, it is certainly a shame. God states that the Bible is the "Living Word" and that Christ is the Word (Jn. 1:1). I take this to mean that each time we look to Scripture for guidance we can apply it anew to the situation. Problem is many of us, particularly me, forget this and struggle needlessly to apply old solutions to new problems.

I know a few people who reach deep into Scripture. They have a certain peace and wisdom about them that can only come from God. There are others that may not reach as deeply, but they reach often and gain new knowledge for each new situation. They also possess a calmness, and eagerness for God's word. I know some dabblers as well, in fact many, many people I know may fall into this category. Actually, I think most of us dabble in the Scriptures from time to time applying what we want and kind of looking away from those things we don't want to deal with at that point.

Let's think about a tea bag and its uses. If a person buys a tea bag and never opens it, and never uses it for its purpose, they will never get tea from it. It won't help them grown strong, stay awake, and it won't really be anything to them. If that person takes the tea bag, opens it and kind of dabbles and dips it into water, they will get tea perhaps, but it will be very weak, and they may not feel like they've had any tea at all. Next we have a tea drinker that doesn't have time to let that bag steep for long, but they go back for another bag, and another, and another each time they want a cup of tea. It might not be super strong, but it is a steady supply of their favorite drink. Finally, we have the super steeper. They use the hottest of water, and the longest of time to steep that bag of tea.The tea bag gives all of its flavor to the tea, and the drinker savors the experience and plans to make the next cup the same and looks looks forward to yet another cup.

In our country, we have Bibles everywhere. We can stack them up. Download them. Upload favorite passages and toss about common stories that most people can at least reference, if not recite. But if those Bibles are never used, they might as well be doorstops, or computer glitches. If we reference Scripture only in stories, and give a nod to the literary value of a historic book, we have little or no knowledge of its power. Growth begins when we look often to the Living Word for wisdom and strength, even if we cannot spend hours at a time in its pages. We are still tapping the resource God gave us, and we will consistently be led by its words.

Finally, when we have the chance, we should steep ourselves in Scripture. Pastors, preachers, and counselors should always do this before sharing with others. Lay people should do it whenever they have the chance. God's word is rich and deep and living. He gave it to us in such a way that we can apply its principles in one way to our lives now, and in the future apply them again in a new way revealed to us as God sees our need. If more Christian leaders, and more Christians steeped in the Scripture, our churches would be stronger. Our testimonies would remain untarnished. It's hard for me to believe that a Christian steeped in the Scripture could have an affair, abuse another person, or willfully sin without immediate and fierce remorse.

Lord, I pray that you will call all of us to steep ourselves in your Word. Help us to bring our leaders and fellow Christians before your throne in prayer. Thank you for your Living Word. Thank you for grace. Thank you for your Son. Please bring reminders to our hearts and souls that you have provided the strength to go through trials, and answers to our questions through the Best of Books.

Trying to steep and not dabble,
Teapotjan 

Teapot in a Bubble

A few days ago, I wrote about how some Christians actually pull away from unsaved people, and expect the unsaved to act like the saved. Baffling. How do these folks expect to show the love of Christ to the unsaved? From afar? With a tract? Maybe a radio broadcast? Those things may help, but the best way to share the Gospel is to share yourself as Christ did with us. 

I have lived and worked in a bubble. In that bubble, we had certain standards to follow, our own phrases and inside jokes, a distinct style to our dress, and a certain way to do things, and certain churches to attend, and on and on. Visitors that did not come from other bubbles just like ours stuck out like pins on a pincushion. Many were sure these visitors would pop the precious bubble and change life as we knew it. We were Christians, working in a Christian place, with Christian co-workers. Our Christian children went to a Christian school, and we went to meals and church with Christians. There were months at a time when I had no personal interaction with the unsaved masses. 

I know all the excuses to pull away from those unsaved masses and hide in the Bubble. Bad influence on the children; I'll be tempted to join in their sin; People will think I'm compromising, etc. I've used some of those excuses myself, and I'm repentant of that. Still, I know really sweet, amazing people who are still in the bubble and still using those excuses. Do I think life in a bubble is bad? Hold on while I pull out my pincushion---Yes, if it's the only place you ever inhabit and interact with others, yes, yes I do. PoP!

If you have received Christ as your Savior, and you are led by the Holy Spirit, and in the care of the One who created all, don't you think that He can protect you and your children while you are sharing His Gospel? Didn't He go to the unsaved, eat with publicans, and preach to the unsaved masses. Yes, that's the very reason He said He came to us. 

So, what is my point? Should we pull our children from Christian schools, get jobs outside of our bubble, and evangelize in downtown bars on Saturday night? No, not unless you feel that God is calling you to do so. We have to use common sense. However, we should fervently pray for opportunities to befriend those God puts in our way, and show that we care for them, the person, that individual, that God created. Talk to your waiter or waitress in your favorite eating place about their families, and work to remember their name. Engage those around you in line with small talk if you're not too shy. If you are shy, remember, sharing the Gospel starts with caring about others. So, find one person that you see often in a store or in your neighborhood. Befriend that one person or that one family and show them that you care about them even if they smoke, are divorced, homosexual, or whatever. You don't have to endorse their sin or lifestyle. You just need to love them enough to let them know you will help them and show them that you have a peace and grace that they don't.  That's exactly what the Bible refers to by "letting your light shine." You don't have to light a stadium full of people, just those God puts around you.

As always, there is more to say. But I'll save it for another entry. I'd appreciate any questions or comments you have. Is there something that you want me to discuss that I can ponder and prayer about writing? Let me know.

Out of the Bubble and still in His Grace!
Teapotjan

Tea Cozy of Clay

Sunday. It's Sunday and I'm working. Years ago, I had a friend who also taught my Sunday School class. He stated one Sunday that he didn't think he could work a job that kept him out of church. When I asked the reason, he answered that all Christians should be in God's House every service every Sunday, etc. 

That statement was one of the first cracks in the clay of my old fundamental beliefs. At that time, Teapotjan had a cozy made of fundamental clay that had been carefully layered on by years of sermons, chapels, studies, and opinions. And suddenly, after having three children full of "why?", serving in churches most of my life, and standing staunchly in defense of big "F" fundamentalism, my teapot cozy was starting to show scratches and scrapes. I was asking myself about all the inconsistencies I had noticed all along, but had been schooled to ignore. 

Now,let me say that I am "fundamentalist" in the essence that I believe in inspired Word of God, the virgin birth, Christ's death and resurrection, His payment for sin, and the gift of eternal life. I prefer emersion for baptism, but believe that the act of baptism is more about obedience to God's word than method. I give thanks every day that I serve a living Christ, and I want to point people to Him more than anything.

But back to that statement and it's scrape-making powers: most of my family has been long involved in public service. You know the kind like seven days a week, twenty four hours a day, etc.? The day that statement issued from my teacher's mouth was one of my husband's scheduled work days as a paramedic. My father had been a fire-fighter, and we had missed services when he was working. Some of the sweetest Christians I knew had jobs that kept them out of church on a regular basis. Was this person actually implying that going to church all the time made you a better christian? Turns out, he was. Cra-ack. 

Still sporting my clever, clay teapot cozy  I went on to work at a christian university in public safety. (There's another blog post coming on that). So, I missed services from time to time due to work obligations. I must confess that in my adult life, I had never been an "in-church-every-time-the-doors-open" Christian, but I still loved the Lord, and studied the Bible. I felt crippling guilt over and worked at conquering my obvious weakness in fulfilling the definition of "faithful." 

In the meantime, the pastor of my church fell into sin and resigned from the church and from the ministry. That incident made a few hairline cracks. It hurt, but pastors are men and men fall, and God forgives. During this time, my son was having behavioral issues, and my husband and I both ran out of answers and needed some counseling. We met with the new pastor, someone we had known from the university, and asked for help. We were told, pretty much point blank, that we were bad parents. Cra-ack-kack! I was sitting in his office, asking for help and advice and I was a bad parent. I sobbed as we left his office overwhelmed with guilt, grief, and hopelessness. I never went back. Ever. Even now, I am crying as the memory of that day washes over me.

These incidents, along with several others I will probably write about at some point, caused me to question what I believed and why. Why were some of the most "faithful" and noted church members so . . . mean? Why did they call only when they wanted something from me? Why did they criticize, and then look away when we needed help? This was not the Christlike love I expected from the "faithful."

I left that church feeling unloved, and fragile. I worried over the future of my children, my christian walk, my marriage, my job. I began to search for answers in the Bible, from loving, christian friends in churches that didn't have Sunday night services, and from preachers, and teachers not of the staunch fundamental denomination that had helped me layer on this clay tea cozy.

And I found Grace. Loving, everlasting, peaceful, comforting, admonishing Grace. The scrapes turned into cracks, and the cracks turned into splits, and the clay cozy fell away leaving me, the teapot, as myself standing vulnerable and perfect in His forgiving eyes. And then, He wrapped me up in His love. I'm crying again as I type, not overwhelmed by grief and anger, but by the truth of His grace. I think I much prefer these tears to those earlier.

So, here I am working on a Sunday. Praising God. Worshipping Him and thanking Him. I know I'm not perfect and I still pick up pieces of that old clay cozy and try to stick them back on over little dents and kinks in the teapot. But I don't need them, and the Holy Spirit gently reminds me that I am wrapped in forgiveness and love. Since I'm human, I'll never be able to throw that old cozy completely away until I see my Savior's face. But, with His continued help, I'll pack them way back out of sight.