Teapot's New In-Laws, Part One

 Some of my actual ancestors.

I almost went a month without posting, but I have much on my heart, and mind that I want to share. One of things I've realized lately comes with the desire to tell my story to anyone who will listen or read in the hopes that I can give them some encouragement and edification. God expects us to use our talents, and I stand rebuked for not having done that. I cannot change anything in the past, but I can certainly change my future with His help.

March 2018 goes down in family history as a great and wonderful mile marker. As promised to some of you, this is the story of how Ancestry.com and Facebook brought together siblings that had never before talked or met.

Little Mike

My husband, Mike, grew up with loving, adopted parents that welcomed him into their hearts on Christmas Eve 1960. He was only a few days old, and even though he grew up knowing he was adopted, his adopted parents were Mom and Dad. The few details he knew about his birth mother satisfied his curiosity until around the spring of 2012. At that point, I shared with him a few pictures of his birth mother, and three of his siblings along with letters that his birth mother sent to his adopted mom. The two mothers shared correspondence until Mike turned 18. After that all communication from the birth mother ceased. 

Meanwhile, I had been asking my father about family ties and names, and found that he did not know his grandparent's names. He was the youngest of eight children with a wide spread of years between the oldest sibling and himself. That spring of 2012, I joined Ancestry.com and began to build our family tree. After asking permission, I also started a tree for Mike with the bit of information his mom had left with me. I had the birth date and name of his birth mother, and a rough idea of where she had lived.

Thanksgiving that year brought a huge and wonderful surprise. I received a message from a lady saying that the name I had for Mike's mother was the same as her mother's name. I wrote back telling her that I might have an unexpected surprise for her. I scanned and sent her one of the pictures of Mike's birth mom and siblings. Her reply was an thrilling "That's me, and my brother and my sister, and my MOM! I've found Mama's lost son! Finally!" They had been searching for Mike, and neither he nor I had a clue. 

We connected on Facebook and chatted back and forth through FB messenger, and became a little acquainted. But matters like this can be awkward, and both sides approached each other slowly. But this past March, things leapt forward in the best of ways. I'll share the rest of this saga in my next post.                                       

Serve God and love others,

Teapotjan

Back on the Fire--Teapot's Return

Some of you who know me personally know that I do not attend church. I said it long ago in an ancient post, and it is still true. I feel very uncomfortable in regular church meetings due to my background in IFB and the subsequent and overwhelming emotional issues that accompany such a background.  

I skipped blogging the entire year of 2017. No excuses. Nothing stirred me to the point that I needed to let off steam, at least not in a public forum. I don't like to share if I don't think my words will help someone. And I didn't feel that anything I could say would edify or entertain or . . . anything. We went through a major remodel and I love the results. I may share more of that in the future. Also, I have fallen more in love everyday with my granddaughter. And this doting grandma dares you to find a sweeter, cuter, smarter little girl on the planet. I do NOT exaggerate. :0)

So, why come back to blogging at all? Isn't everything the same? You still aren't going to church, and you're still busy, and you are still doting on your granddaughter. What is new?

Actually nothing is new. But I received a reminder yesterday that God uses adverse circumstances to allow His children to show others His grace and love. 

My husband has joined a local church that has existed for a long time here in this area. I have visited that church over the years, and some of the things they once subscribed to really bothered me. However, in recent years, the church leaders have addressed those issues in a Godly manner. I still can't imagine going to a regular service on a regular basis. But, because of a major distraction and difficult event (husband's knee replacement), God sent my way a sweet friend who demonstrates the kind of life a Christian lives when they truly serve God and love others. She invited me to a women's luncheon. The ladies were sweet and friendly. The speaker's message broke my heart for her sorrow, and her words reminded me that I do have a story to tell. I can use my continuing hurt and my failures to demonstrate God's grace, and its best attribute-HOPE.


I know that even when I took that long walk to my van and lost my belief in Him and my faith was gone, He had not moved or changed. He knew I felt hopeless and hurt and useless. And remembering that has put this short, stout teapot back in the fire.

If you need a friend, a shoulder to cry on, or have questions, please let me know. With God's help, I will do my best to help and encourage you. Or just listen. 






With great love,
Teapotjan

Serve God. Love others.

Abuse Within the IFB Bubble

Below find a link to the personal testimony of a brave lady who suffered abuse with the IFB system. She now shares how she struggled and survives. Please take the time to read her story. This kind of thing must end.

A Personal Story of Abuse from Wendy Terrado

Time Flies Whether You're Having Fun or Not

Life goes by very quickly, as most of you know. I've often wondered how long days can turn into short years, and how a week can fly by and turn into six months. The relativity of time amazes me. And it baffles me, too.

That said, my family and I have had an eventful year. Part of it wonderful, and part of it agonizing, and all of it tempered with love, tears, and grace. And most of all it was FAST! My life train and personal plans and this blog and my art life have all been derailed several times, and attempts to put it back on track only partially successfully. By far, the biggest blessing was this young lady, my granddaughter Madeline. All the things they say about being a grandparent are more than true. When your baby has a baby. . . it's just too sweet and precious for words.

I am going to post this and another blog entry together. This one to say that hopefully, I am returning to regular posting, and another to share another blogger's post concerning the issue of abuse. The entries I will share specifically deal with a victim speaking out and bravely sharing her tragic story.

Serve God, love others.
Teapotjan, Grandma!

Abuse and a Friend

First, I have been pondering many issues, and knew that I had much to share. That's what brought me back to my blog. So many people hurt. They feel alone. They are intimidated by big scholarly books, and they need down to earth advice and help. That is why I answered the Teapot's whistle. It is my ministry, and part of my calling. It scares and humbles me that people actually read my words, so I pray for wisdom. I share in order to serve God and love others, and I do not want to bring reproach to my Lord. I welcome your prayers, suggestions, and questions.

A while back I wrote a blog called Better Than I Deserve. After some thinking about that phrase, common in many Christian groups, I came to the conclusion that this response might not be particularly accurate. But let me say that I understand what the person stating it means, and I find no fault in anyone who uses it. 

This issue came up again when a dear, dear friend asked me if I thought it was okay escape an abusive relationship. Case in point: if a close friend/partner continually ignores and emotionally abuses you, failing to respond to requests for counsel or help, should you break completely and permanently away though it causes them great, and damaging emotional pain? Would God be okay with that? Is it okay to seek happiness after the break? Should you feel overwhelmingly guilty? 

With my big "F" Fundamentalist background along with my people-pleasing personality, my answer a few years ago would have been a resounding "NO!" I would have counseled the hurt party to pray for patience, and stick it out in the name of putting someone else first. After all, we are taught to always put others first. But, it struck me wrong that God would want one of His children to suffer at the hand of another.

I have searched for verses that apply to abusive relationships. What I have found is that most of them refer to how or how not the relationship reflects Christ's love for the Church. In fact, Jeremiah 3:8 speaks of how God "divorced" Israel because they had broken the covenant or vow He had with them. It's there, go read it if you don't believe me. A broken vow can be repaired, but if the one who broke it refuses the repair, then the vow no longer stands. It's an easy choice for many when adultery or physical abuse breaks the vow. But verbal abuse seems an unlikely reason to divorce or break a partnership to anyone who never experienced it. Those who have suffered from emotional abuse know better. But that's another blog entry.

Suffice it to say, that emotional abuse leaves scars and open wounds that often never heal. PTSD comes not so much from the physical abuse a victim suffers, but rather, the emotional harm and devaluation of their humanity the abuse caused. So abuse of any kind lingers with the victim emotionally long after the incident passes. 

I hate reading long posts, so I will stop with this: There is NO VERSE or teaching in the Bible that says a person must stay in an abusive relationship. Next, we'll talk about the aftermath of the break.

Praying for wisdom, grace, and peace.
Teapotjan