That's Not Natural-The Torn Teapot, Part two

God is so very good. The response to my last post both blesses and humbles me. Please know that I desire to be a mere vessel used in whichever way He chooses. And pray with me that I can continue to point people to Him with no glory in myself. Any good I do or say comes from Him.

As promised, this entry contains a rather personal story concerning how I started on this particular phase of my journey. Reviewing the events of the last few months, and seeing how God brought me to this place. He set my feet on a path long ago, before I even knew, and He assures me that I must proceed with prayer, tears, and newly opened eyes.

I've taken several IQ and personality tests through the years. They have shown me that God made me, among other things, intelligent, empathetic, curious, and friendly. My personality type makes friends easily, but limits the number of close friends to a very small number. So, when I make a close friend, and when I really trust someone, they are stuck with me like an octopus trying to open an oyster. Through thick and thin, that's me and my friend. No matter what. No matter where. No matter.

A few months ago, I was messaging with one of those close friends. He is currently deployed in Afghanistan. This friend is like a son. Truly. I can't imagine caring for him more if he were actual family. He worked as my assistant. He helped me in more ways than I can count. He taught me things, and he edified me. We cried together. We prayed together. We pointed each other to Christ. He encompassed what a life long friend should be. My family loves him as well, and he knows that he is always welcome at any time, day or night, to call, or come by, or eat, or whatever. He is incredibly special to me. 

I knew that he had struggled with some issues, but he rather cryptically brushed them aside, not wanting to burden me. I could only guess at what they were. But I prayed for him. At one rather dark point, he told me that he had contemplated suicide up to just shy of the actual act. He had not followed through because he had not wanted to disappoint or hurt me and the other few friends he held close. Whenever I think of that, I can't help but cry. It broke my heart. It still does. I don't like to think of how close he came. But as he just recently told me, it was the grace of God that stopped him.

A few months later he surprised me by signing up for the Army. Knowing him, I knew he would excel and become a great soldier, but my heart sank knowing

that it would pull him away. Of course, he sailed through boot camp, and found himself stationed in Texas. Some of the problems he had experienced before cropped up again, but this time I was aware that he was being harassed. He would not tell me why, but I knew he had contacted my husband, and that they had talked at great length. He had more than one battle to fight. And then, he was deployed.

We were able to see him before he left. The time was short, but precious. Of course, I cried when he left, that's part of this vessel's makeup as well. But,

we all claimed the promises that nothing happens to one of God's children that He does not allow and that no parting is eternal for us. Fortunately, we have been able to stay in contact due to the blessing of modern technology.

Most of our chats involved newsy type stuff. But some were like counseling sessions for both of us. Life in Afghanistan is rough. It's awful, and sandy, and wet, and dry, and hot, and cold, and loud, and too, too quiet. And there was more harassment. And then there was that one night before the holidays. . . he asked me if he could tell me something very important, and to promise that I would not be angry. My heart went up into my throat as I typed "of course." After a few more reassurances that nothing shy of him being a serial killer and even then we'd work it out, he typed "I'm gay." 

It wasn't like I hadn't suspected at least a tendency toward this in him, but it still hit my "raised in the deep south, independent-fundamental-baptist steeped" soul a little hard. He went on to say that he hadn't wanted to tell me,

because he thought he might lose our friendship. Those words struck through me like an arrow. This amazing, talented, young man whom I love like my own son thought he would lose me because he found himself attracted to his own gender. What could I say to that?

Then the story of why he had been harassed poured out. His typed words came through almost quicker that my tear-blurred eyes could read. His family was shocked. Some of his fellow soldiers, and even some of his leaders had mocked him and would not march or work with him. He had to file harassment charges and transfer to another company while in Texas. And yet, he still strived to be the best army soldier possible and was very close to succeeding. He did not want this to bring any shame to Christ.

And then finally, as if this were not enough, he told me "If there was a pill I could take to change this attraction, I would take a hundred every day. No one would choose this. It's awful, but it is who I am." And that is when God changed my heart, and opened my eyes. I knew I could assure him that I still truly loved him, and that a new part of my journey from guilt to grace had started. I saw those dealing with homosexuality in a new way, not through the eyes of a condemning church, but through the eyes of a loving and gentle Christ.

That suicide crisis before he joined the army? At that point he could not reconcile what he felt and what he had been taught all of his life. If same gender attraction was a sin no matter if acted on it or not, then he had been created imperfect and flawed with no hope of Heaven, and no hope of love, and no hope of acceptance in his family, or most of his friends. He saw himself as the bane of Christianity, and he lost sight of what God could do, because at that point the only God he could see was the one who condemned him. He could see only the God portrayed in many churches. The one that condemned homosexuality above all other sins and destroyed entire cities due to their homosexual population. And no matter how hard he prayed, and no matter how many counselors he saw, he still felt attracted to men.

We continued to chat for a while longer. I assured him of my prayers, and my continued love and friendship. And because life moves on, he had duties to attend to, and I needed to . . . explode.  I was drained, and tearful, and I needed someone to listen. So, I messaged another one of my very close friends. Through the years, this friend had brought me closer to the Lord than years of Christian education and church attendance had ever done. This person challenged me daily to press toward the high mark of serving Christ. This person scolded me when I needed it, and prayed for me. This person could not be a better friend. And when I revealed my other friend was gay, this person said they understood completely because they had walked the same path their entire life. 

In my next post, I'll finish this story. Pray with me that we seek His face in prayer concerning what we are to do to help and be help by those Christians who deal with homosexuality.

One step closer to full Grace and Glory,

Teapotjan

That's Not Natural -The Torn Teapot, Part one

For Ryan, and those like him

who received rejection, instead of love.

justbecausehebreathes.com.

Update, April 21, 2015: Since I wrote this, I have met Matthew Vines, and heard him speak with a loving heart, and a mindful knowledge of the Bible. Please take the time to read his testimony. Matthew Vines

The subject of this post has laid heavy on my heart and soul for the past few months. I have spent time pouring through Scripture, and devouring books, and visiting blogs, and asking questions, and praying, and praying, and praying. In spite of the fact that I will lose friends, and may be labeled with once of the worst traits in fundamentalism: compromiser, I must share my heart and burden concerning this touchy and divisive matter. I no longer live in Guilt. I have journeyed to Grace.

A while back, the patriarch of Duck Dynasty revealed his personal views concerning homosexuality. I was already embroiled in my study of this issue when that whole media brouhaha erupted, and was tempted to write this post at that point. But after prayerful consideration, I waited. This is not a response to the media storm. This is a very personal, close-to-my-heart, issue that I have been dealing with up close, and I don't want my opinion sullied by an overwrought media.

So, here goes. The biggie. My opinion based on my studies--Stay with me until the end of this series of blogs now-- Homosexuality, or as many call it, "same-sex attraction" is NOT a sin. It is no more a sin than a man being attracted to a woman, or a woman being attracted to a man. But, as with all sexual attractions, it is fraught with misconceptions, lustful attitudes, and questions not easy to answer. The human race, and in particular the modern church, hasn't figured out how to handle "normal" sexual attraction, and its aberrant avenues. No wonder we hem and haw and blame and point fingers, and shy away from those who are different from mainstream. That's natural human behavior. 

Problem is, Christians are not supposed to be "natural." We are to look at all people as precious souls created by God for His glory. But picking one sin that everyone "naturally" agrees is wrong and harping on it and resisting any hint of compromise is far easier than than looking inside ourselves and at others though Christ's eyes. That close examination takes time, and it usually reveals difficult and puzzling realities that make us uneasy and frightened. It is "natural" and easy to vilify that which we don't understand while ignoring the hurt and pain our vilification might cause to the soul behind the behavior we have labeled as sin.

No matter where they stand on this issue, Christians, and the church in general, must change their attitude toward those dealing with same sex attraction. We have too many young people with too many questions, and too much guilt, and too few answers from Godly, spiritual leaders. Suicidal thoughts and actual suicides pose a real threat to these young people. So, at this point, whether we believe homosexuality is a sin or not, we need to address those that hurt with love. I'll address this point more in another post.

In the next entry, I will share how I started on this particular section of my journey to grace. It is a personal story involving someone very close. God used his experience to lead me to my current conclusions, and to burden me for a new phase of ministry. Pray with me for wisdom. Look to Christ.Serve God and love others,

Teapotjan

Teapot's Tremendous, Terrible Year in Review, Part Two

Ah, back to my review of last year. I was glad to wave goodbye to 2013 and hold great hope for this year.

It looks like July is next in the lineup. By the start of the month I had made a few robot sculptures for friend's on a commission type basis, and those who saw them encouraged me to make more and start selling them. At that point I started looking toward entering in art and craft shows in the fall. Also, one of my adopted sons, and a dear friend, began his journey to Afghanistan. It had already been a rough year at that point for both of us, and the time we spent before he left was short, but precious. Hopefully, I will get to see him soon.

August. Honestly, I spent most of this month making robot sculptures for an upcoming show in September. I also anticipated being out of commission for a couple of weeks in September due to surgery. So, that made for a hot blur of a month here in the deep south. I had a birthday in there somewhere, but since I am not officially acknowledging it, I am still thirty nine or so to others, (and about seven and a half on the inside). I do love frosting, and bright, shiny objects, and toys, and . . . . 

September came in on cool breezes and rain clouds. I continued to work on sculptures. On the 10th I went in for a robotic hysterectomy. My stayed in the hospital lasted less than 24 hours and the pain was minimal considering it was major surgery. I had hoped to lose some weight with the removal of some of my internal workings, but, alas, it was only a couple of pounds. Sigh. A week and a half later, I was able to appear as Lady Teapot, artist and inventor, at my first art/craft show. I shared a booth with a talented,sweet, young friend who did all of the set up to spare my old, post surgery body. It was a great time for both of us. She did really well with her amazing scratch art prints and originals, and I sold my very first piece to a stranger! What a rush. At the end of the month we took off to the beach for a much needed break.

The start of October found us still at the beach. The weather was warm, but the crowds were small. It was a restful time for all of us. I still can't believe how quickly I recovered from the surgery in September. I wasn't even a month out on vacation, but outside of some exhaustion, I did very well. In the meantime, we bought a duplex, and are currently in the process of fixing up one side for our daughter to use as her home.

November brought several pieces of awesome I will not soon forget. I mentioned in my last entry that in spite of an awful year, God had not forsaken us, and that better things lay ahead. I was offered a part time job with my former boss, and close friend at a new job God had provided for him. He had been laid off from his job in the Bubble where we had worked for many years together. It's been a great time already. I love working with him. And right around the time I started this job, my daughter lost hers. Ah well. I also attended a Steampunk Extravaganza conference and met many fellow steampunkers. What a blast. Lady Teapot met many kindred spirits, and plans to attend next year to see her new friends.

December! Even though I had worked for only two weeks, I was able to take a week off for our thirtieth anniversary. (Yes, if you believed my earlier statement, that means I was married when I was nine, get over it, and move on). We spent an amazing week in Tennessee being silly, and lazy, and romantic. It was a nice break from the usual routine of work, meals, bills, allowing us time to talk and reconnect for a few days. When we returned, the rush to Christmas was on, and, as you know, it has already sped by and we are in the first days of a new year. 

Wow. It went faster than I remember. How did those long days turn into such a short year?? That's my brief review. If I wrote everything that happened, it would be a book, and who has time for that right now?

Hail to the New Year! Happenings in the last few weeks have led me to consider a new ministry that may be considered controversial, and cause some to question my faith and sanity, but I say if God is in it-BRING IT ON!

Here's to a happy New Year. May God lead and be glorified.

Looking forward, and looking UP!
Teapotjan

Teapot's Tremendous, Terrible Year in Review. Part One

I'm not one for New Year's resolutions, but I do believe in goals. Not that I'm good at setting them, but I think they are important. Seriously. Maybe I show set a goal of improving my method of setting goals, but . . . .

Anyway, I do plan on blogging more consistently, even in the face of upheaval and change. Blogging helps the tempest in the teapot not grow to hurricane proportions, and maybe I can continue to help and bless people as I go.

Onward to the year in review! 
2013 contained a lot of happiness, disappointments, and general suckiness. I'm thrilled to kiss it goodbye soon. But, even while I go through its last days and think back, there isn't much I would change. That's hard to say really, but I wouldn't have learned the lessons I have learned, met the people I met, and grown the way I have grown without some of that said suckiness. 

January started out pretty well. But we had to pull my daughter from regular school because of her chronic nerve disorder. She missed her friends. She still hurt. She hates doctors appointments. And we learned that we are TERRIBLE at homeschooling. Remember that whole goal setting problem I have?. . . well apparently, it's genetic. 

February held its own challenges at work. My supervisor did not think I was doing my job well, so it was requested that I go to three weeks of classes about 2 hours aways from home. I enjoyed the classes. Made some very good friends, and did well in all of my scores. One of the connections I made allowed me to help with a project that brought me great satisfaction. What those classes did not help was the view that my supervisor had of my job performance.

March. I was disliking the long hours at work, and the seemingly endless things I was doing wrong. I was growing more and more depressed and working harder and harder, but I believe I was attempting this in my own strength. After a particularly candid visit with a friend I starting blogging at her suggestion that it would help. She was right.

April. Oh, sweet April. I posted my first blog entry in April. I've been reading back through some of those entries. I relived some of the emotions, and I bow my head and thank God that I have made it to the end of this year without any time in jail. I'm being facetious of course, but let's just say God and my family had to be patient. The number of issues I had at work seemed to decrease, but the strain of the hours, my daughter's pain, and an overcrowded house taught me some thing about myself that I didn't like. But God was good, and I grew closer to Him.

May marked my final month at my job. In spite of asking how to improve, and receiving satisfactory answers, etc. I still did not live up to my supervisor's expectations, and the month ended with me resigning that job at their request. If you know me even a little, you know I cried. My pride was hurt, and my wallet was suicidal. I know other things happened, but even now, that resignation overshadows my joy in anything in that month.

June brought relief in some areas and more stress in others. I was out of a job, but I enjoyed the free time to help others. I started trying to work on my art. My husband, baffled by my tears, confused by my complicated personality that had elevated me to delirious highs only to send me plummeting into aforementioned tears, worked to support my dream of becoming an artist and having a studio. But as hard as he tried, that old, suicidal wallet held back much of what he could do. However, as I will explain in the near future, God did not desert me or my family.

That's enough for one sitting. I have much more to share. Please pray that I will keep reaching for my current goal of consistent blogging. And if you have any comments or suggestions, please share either in the comments or by email, or on Facebook.

Thanks for reading. Stay tuned for part two. Spoiler alert! God is Still GREAT.

Looking back and looking up!
Teapotjan

Steaming Up

This weekend brings a new opportunity, and an old anxiety. I have tickets to the Upstate Steampunk Meet and Greet Convention in Anderson. I love the aesthetics of victorian steampunk, along with the ingenuity of many of its followers. The essence of steampunk involves individuality, and style along the lines of victorian sensibilities. I have suitable attire almost ready, and relish the thought of seeing other people's outfits and creations.

The anxiety? I am, after all, an introvert. Yes, I love to engage strangers in conversation, and I love people. But crowds intimidate and drain me, and crowds of strangers in costume with great mental capabilities and possible pagan and agnostic leanings? Scary. But . . . .

I see it as a chance to meet people further out of the Bubble. To be a witness. To show that those who follow Christ can and should embrace creativity and individuality as a gift from Him. But I am still just a bit freaked out. Sigh.

Prayers appreciated. I am attending for pleasure, and maybe some business. I hope that some will appreciate my quirky art, and want to see more. I am also attending to grow, and growth can be scary.

Steam On!
Teapotjan