Blue Teapot under a Black Cloud

Well, the last couple of weeks have proven to be . . . interesting. . . and full of life's lessons. Often, I wish I could go ahead and learn everything I need to know so the lessons would end, but I don't think that's how it works. So, ONWARD!

My last post concerning medication brought up comments from several people in my email feed, and private messaging. The comment from "anonymous" stirred up people more that I would have thought. Please know that I was not upset. That person obviously cares enough to want to help, and I welcome opinions other than my own. Isn't that how we learn and grow? We exhort, we listen, we measure against God's standards, apply as appropriate and move forward.

That said, I believe that the kind person that left the comment has never experienced the type of depression I was addressing: clinical depression. In no way do I want to attack that person. I know many folks who feel the same way, and it those people I want to address.

Here is a link to an article discussing the difference between feeling sad due to circumstances and being perpetually depressed: Is it Depression or is it the Blues?. EVERYONE gets the blues. (Hmm, that should be a song or something). An accident, a severe loss, or a bad day, along with many other things can bring about a case of the blues. However, most people bounce back with the passage of time. The blues can lead to the type of depression the commenter was addressing, especially if we turn from God during difficult times, but it is not clinical depression. Even then, I don't think just putting on a smile, and acting happy will solve the entire issue, though it can help. Maybe today's society should not toss medication at everyone in a funk so quickly. I do see fault in that. If someone is bogged down with a case of the blues, and it hinders their service to God, they should get counseling from a reliable, biblically-based source. Medication can not fix a spiritual problem, but many use it as an excuse for sin. Satan will use any weakness to hinder us, and he won't hesitate to attack when we are down. In these cases, we must examine our attitude, and heart for God.

But there are millions that experience true, can't-get-it-to-stay-away, clinical depression. A blood test (and recently it has been discovered,a CAT scan of the brain) can confirm that an individual's depression is a physical condition needing medical treatment. I confess, that as I sit here and write these words, I am dealing with that black cloud hovering over my head. I sit here knowing that God is in control, knowing that He loves me, actively engaged in intercessory prayer for a few particular individuals, praising God for His creation, and pondering Scriptures recently read. But, I feel depressed, with a small side of hopelessness. However, since I know that I suffer from a medical condition, I can ignore the cloud while acknowledging its existence, and continue to serve God. 

My youngest suffers from a chronic nerve disorder that causes constant and often severe pain in one of her legs. If you see her, you will see no signs of trauma, and she doesn't appear to be in pain most of the time. She takes medication to help control the pain, but it is never truly gone. We have been to several doctors, and she has gone through many treatments. During that time she learned what medical condition caused the pain, and is now able to mostly ignore it while still having to acknowledge that it's there. Sound familiar? She could give in to the pain and let it run her life, but God allowed us to find doctors and medicines that could help her. She looks to Him for help, and she is a sweet, and faithful Christian. I am very proud of her. But her pain still persists. If we had not sought help and treatment, I think she would now be completely crippled from the pain.

Everyone feels sad or depressed from time to time. It's a natural response to adverse circumstances. During those times, we must look to God for grace realizing He controls all things. 

Other folks suffer from a medical condition known as "clinical depression." My hopes and goals in all of this?

1. To help those folks realize that they need assistance, and to encourage them to seek it without feeling embarrassed or ashamed. Once they know why it's there, they can learn to acknowledge and ignore their hovering dark cloud and carry on with life. 
2. To help others, like the commenter, to realize that not all depression is     equal. Believe me, telling a clinically depressed person to smile and act     happy is like telling someone with undiagnosed pain to "walk it off." The statement is well-intentioned, but it will cause more harm than good.
3. To use my experiences with my own depression to uplift others and point   them to the Great Healer. He allowed me to suffer with this condition in     order for me to honor Him with the lessons I've learned. I want to do that with all my heart.

No more guilt folks, only repentance. Those who fully understand His grace and love desire to serve and honor Him. He knew us from the edge of time, and He provides a way through the darkest of clouds, and the deepest of blues.

Happy Depression Sufferer, medicated, and still serving Him!
Teapotjan

Teapot's Mama, Angels, and a Wonderful, Terrible Night

It's almost mother's day. I see the ads for businesses claiming they have the perfect gift for every mom. Roses, and aprons, and cards, and bowling balls, and gift certificates for oil changes and manicures are sure to please the lady who gave you life, wiped your nose, and taxied you about through snow, hail, wind, and rain. 

My mama succumbed to breast cancer in January of 1999 just a few days before her 65th birthday. The day of her funeral was warm and bright and I was happy that she was laid to rest in the shadow of the mountains where she was born. But I cried. My sweet mother was gone and I could no longer seek her counsel and love. She was out of pain, so my tears weren't for her, but for my own loss.

I look back on the time of her illness and can see the hand of the Lord at work many times. Today, I want to share some of what He did for our family in the days just prior to taking my mom home.

Mom's cancer had spread to her bones, liver, and lungs. Her three years of chemo prolonged her life, but she constantly suffered from intense pain, nausea, and difficulty breathing. Her sweet spirit drew the admiration and love from the nurses and doctor that cared for her. So, it came as a blow to them when she finally decided that she wanted no more treatment. We all knew this was a death sentence. The doctor said she had maybe six weeks to six months without any more treatment. My dad left her and me in the hospital to go home and prepare the house for the hospital bed and equipment needed to keep her comfortable under the care of Hospice personnel. She made this decision on a Friday, and her hospice care was to start on Monday.

That weekend, I spent Friday night and Saturday with her in the hospital. We talked about people we knew and family. She told me who she wanted to sing at her funeral, and chose the songs. I did her nails. And she made me promise to buy her a new outfit for her burial. I think she may have said something about haunting me if I didn't get something new, and to make sure her neck was covered with an attractive bow or scarf. We laughed and cried.That was just like her, and I promised.

I left her on Sunday morning to go home and rest. She asked me to stay, but I told her I had to get a little rest in order to help on Monday. She agreed, and I left her with a kiss and hug. Early Monday morning, I returned. The pastor's wife had spent Sunday night with her. When my dad and I walked into the room, the pastor's wife told us that it had not been a good night, and that mom wanted to see us right away. We both went to her, kissed her, and hugged her. She looked at each of us with her big, brown eyes and told us she loved us, and that she had been waiting for us to get back. Then she leaned back, closed her eyes, and went into a coma.

We sat with her through that day and into the night, singing her favorite songs, and talking about the things the Lord has shown us, and how faithful God had been. Tears sometimes flowed down her cheeks, but she didn't wake up. So we sat, and sang, and listened to the soft sound of the machine that helped her breath in the little air that she could. In the early hours of Tuesday morning, I felt a comforting presence behind my chair. I turned to look at the pastor's wife and thank her, but she was across the room. I felt it a few more times, and was about to mention it, when my husband asked why I kept brushing past him. My dad also turned around to look behind him and then back at me puzzled. Mom's breathing became more shallow. I leaned over and told her it was okay to go and that I would miss her, but we would all, see her again. Her face relaxed into a smile, and she drew her last breath. I knew then that the comforting presence must have been God's angels sent to take this sweet saint of a lady home to Heaven.

I still miss her today, everyday. I hear her voice come out of my mouth, and I see her expressions on the face of my children. I remember what she taught me, and how she prayed. I cry and the tears are for my own loss. I thrill to think what her big, brown eyes must see, even at this moment. And I praise the Lord that He allowed me to feel the presence of those angels on the most wonderful, and terrible night of my life.

I lost my mama, and Mama gained Heaven. If you don't have assurance that you will join us in Heaven, let me know. I'll be glad to share how you can know. If you are sure, look me up when we get there, and I'll introduce you to my mom. She's waiting for us and I bet her big, brown eyes are smiling.

Looking for His coming,
Teapotjan