The Teapot Has Left the Bubble! A Look Back

Way back at the start of spring before weddings, and graduations, and broken air conditioners, and cars that wouldn't start, and a few weeks with a sweet friend with Alzheimer's, and the loss of a beloved aunt, I wrote a blog about how some happenings had triggered a return of an old enemy: bitterness.

All the things in that list, along with a few recent ponderings brought that post back to mind, along with that same old feeling, along with its more malicious buddies, guilt and self-doubt. I think these three emotions are some of Satan's most malicious weapons in the lives of Christians.

If you know me, or have read any of my posts, you know that I have physically stepped away from the IFB (Independent Fundamental Baptist) movement and all of the churches, speakers, and groups similar to or related to them. In fact, four years ago on August 27th, 2011, I walked out of the entrance building on the campus of Bob Jones University, leaving behind a job of 11 years, and a lifetime of IFB mentality. The Bubble surrounding the university and all of its satellite churches, had popped for me, and the regular world loomed before me. And, as I walked to my vehicle, my faith in God dropped out from under me.

I was scared. I was angry. I felt betrayed, abused, used, stupid, and very, very alone. And that's where I left that post long ago back in April.If God had not smothered me in His grace, I'm not entirely sure I'd be alive to write this post. That was not a good state for someone who already battled clinical depression.
The problem was, and still is at times, that much of what I had been taught all my life had been man's opinion of God's Word. I had based my life choices on these teachings. I worked at being the "ideal Christian" daughter, teen, college student, wife, school teacher, and mom. When I failed, as I often did, the guilt could be overwhelming. It seemed incredibly difficult to be what God wanted me to be-futile really. But, I was assured Sunday after Sunday that this was the way a Christian's life should be spent: in a desperate struggle to attain Christlikeness. Cue the song "I've Got the Joy-Joy-Joy-Joy Down in My Heart" in a minor key.

Oh the guilt, the wretched, wretched guilt. Not repentance. Just a hopeless feeling of guilt of not being good enough. Of failing yet again. Paying for a moment of what I thought was guilty pleasure with far more guilt than pleasure. 

On the way home today, I had a flash back when Barry Manilow's "I Write the Songs" came floating out of my van speakers. I instinctively reached out to change the station because that song had been "uncheckable" since 1975 until about 2011 for me. I laughed, and then listened to this "evil" song that had I listened to only when my parents, pastor, and teachers would not know of my grave indiscretion. Some of you may think I'm exaggerating, but those who grew up as I did know that I truly am not.

And then? As I continued to listen to the innocuous, but "uncheckable" lyrics, I became bitter. Just for a moment. But there it was. Flashes of the lecture on the evils of rock and pop music ran through my mind. Good grief! What a religion to cause good-hearted, God-loving people to feel guilty over listening to anything

secular besides very old songs,opera and classical music! How does that help the cause of the Gospel?

The answer is that it does not. If Satan can use guilt to cripple one of God's children to the point of hopelessness, then he has scored a victory. A hopeless, guilty Christian will never be as effective in God's service as a Christian who has embraced the full knowledge of God's grace. And after enough years of guilt, and failure? Cue the self-doubt.

I remember thinking as a young mother that I failed my children everyday that they didn't go over their verses for Awana, or when I was just too tired to get to church on my own. (My husband's schedule has always been difficult, so I was often a "single" mom through no fault of his). I also remember, the passive-aggressive suggestions from leaders in the church and their wives that I surely could do better in my attendance, all the while never offering to help or making one phone call for encouragement. Hmmmm. That's another blog post right there.
I wallowed in self-doubt. I asked for help, and I was told to "believe and pray." I already was. But, I thought I must be doing that wrong, too. Yay! Guilt AND self-doubt. Satan delivered his one-two punch, and I was down for the count.

This is getting long, but up next, is that walk to my van.   

Prayers and blessings,

Teapotjan

The Tempestuous Times of Teapot's Tempest

Apologies to my readers, and myself for waiting so long to post. I need this outlet, but I've let the tempest overtake me for awhile. I think I owe you all a quick update.

I started on my Masters degree last fall. Two classes down, and eleven more to go! I am waiting to sign up for the last class of this session to take my third class because my oldest daughter is getting married in May right after Memorial Day. We are putting this extravaganza together in about three months time in order to accommodate a dear friend and adopted family member who will be deployed soon. His presence is a must, so we are happily pressed for time. It will be a delight to include him in our family celebration!

In addition to this wedding, another very close friend, who is like my sister, has a son getting married in July. I'm helping coordinate that celebration and the push for that one is on as well! Oh, and my youngest finishes high school in a few weeks with all the parties, and hoopla that entails. I guess I'm a teapot IN a tempest.

All of this, along with job and family, leaves little time for blogging. But, at times, my heart overflows and I feel I must get back to sharing what I'm learning on this journey from guilt to grace. It's not easy, and I trip, and back track, and fail, but the goal is still the same: to serve God and love others.

My return, though late, has to do with something that has been around for a while. Frankly, I thought this matter had been put to rest. But more and more of late, it creeps its ugly way back into my mind as a tool of Satan I'm sure. Here I sit on my computer, a fifty-three year old mother of three, saved since I was five, and I have to fight doubt about my faith. No, I can't believe it either, but there it is. This isn't a question of my salvation. It's much bigger than that. 

When I first felt that I must leave my job at a certain Christian University, I had already begun to question why I believed what I did. As that situation grew worse, and my heroes fell from their high places, I began to doubt. Big Time. Call it cynicism if you will, but I began to examine their teachings, and all the things that I had been taught as absolute truth and doctrine since I was born, literally. And in that examination I found many, many, many problems. Much of my fundamentalist training was based on OPINION! Not fact, not even interpretation, but some man's so-called "blessed" of the Holy Spirit; Bible-thumping; say-it-louder-until-these-idiot-sinners-understand; can-I-get-an -amen? brow-wiping OPINION that came to them while driving down the road in their Lincoln town car on the way to another meeting. 

Most of us who have left fundamentalism have been labeled as "bitter." And,in all honesty, I have to say I have struggled with it, especially at the start. I looked back at all the guilt I had endured. All the culottes I had sewed and worn, along with the lace my mom sewed on the bottom of a dress to make it "long enough." I thought about the hoops we had to jump through to be "good" Christians, and all the hell-fire-and-brimstone messages I had heard, and I got bitter. Still do, sometimes.

I grew up thinking that Hell was the reason we were to be good. And we should put up every stop sign and blockade necessary to keep people from following the wrong road to Hell. The emphasis was Hell, and eternal damnation. And so many of us were saved, not into God's grace, but from Hell, and we had to live our lives in an exact way to prove it. It was considered loving to buttonhole a person and tell them they were "Going straight to Hell" unless they repented.
     
It was at this point, that my faith went out from underneath me. I don't think those around me realized how bleak it was for me. They believed my tears

and upset caused by the loss of a job I had loved, and a way of life I had dreamed about since youth. That was part of it. But, much deeper, it was the loss of my belief that God was in control, and that Godly men had prayed and done His will in all these things. They had not. They couldn't have. A lot of what they had said were virtually lies. They were pompous, egotistical MEN who forced their way into congregations, denominations, and Christian universities. It all became a sham to me. I've studied communications and psychology a long time, and I recognized the spin they had put on their sermons, and rules, and all of their . . . . . um, manure. And, believe me, I was bitter.

In my next post, I'll deal with what had recently brought some of this bitterness back, and how God is helping me to get past it. Here's a news flash: God is AWESOME, ETERNAL, FAIR, AND LOVING. He did not leave me in this dark time. I'll share more next time.

Serve God. Love others!
Teapotjan.

That's Not Natural-The Torn Teapot, Part three

But now thus saith the LORD that created thee, O Jacob, and he that formed thee, O Israel, Fear not: for I have redeemed thee, I have called thee by thy name; thou art mine.

Isaiah 43:1

At the end of the last post I shared that I had found a second, close friend had struggled with homosexuality their whole life. That realization along with the implications of the life they had lived in the decades I knew them washed over me in waves of fear, and pity, and doubt. The younger friend? I had seen that coming. This older, long-time friend--I hadn't guessed. But even while tears poured down my cheeks, and sleep eluded me, I knew these two people were devout Christians. I knew they were my true friends, and I knew that I loved them both deeply.

"Through thick and thin, that's me and my friend. 

No matter what. No matter where. No matter."

I requested that my family leave me to myself for a couple of days so that I could pray,read, and research. I found it difficult to sleep. I was consumed with the desire to understand how God wanted me to handle this. I read and reread all the so-called "clobber" verses that so many point to with this issue. And I had no answers. "I'm not gay!" "Why do I have to worry about this?" "Why did God do this and allow that?" "Why can't they just change?" and on and on the questions rose from my heart and soul and I threw them at God like an angry child. And God listened, loved, calmed, forgave, and taught.

Two days later, I came out of my retreat a better Christian with a greater understanding of what God had for me. Those friends had not changed from before they told me. I was the one who had changed. And my unchanging God had taught me several things, but here are the two biggest lessons.

Homosexual attraction is NOT a sin. There are no Bible verses that can be quoted or misconstrued to support the belief that it is. People can be attracted to their own gender and still be Godly, loving Christians. I won't back down on that point. There is much more to this whole matter I know. But we can build on this knowledge when dealing with those who struggle with this in their own lives, and in the lives of family members.

Next, the church must change how it deals with those Christians who struggle with homosexuality, and actually with the issue of homosexuality all together. But, in this series, I am specifically addressing my concerns toward treatment of homosexuals in the body of Christ. Isaiah 43:1, the verse at the top of this post states how God actually views ALL redeemed homosexuals, thieves, liars, murderers, and sinners in general. He didn't pick any one sin above the others and rate His love accordingly. To point out a problem to a Christian over and over and provide no help and no love leaves that Christian frustrated, depressed, bitter, and possibly suicidal. Any possible service they could have provided to the body of Christ and any testimony to His Grace could be lost. And the implications of that loss could be eternal.

Finally (not really, but at least for now), we need to provide a ministry to those dealing with homosexuality AND their families. I come from a background where any mention of this subject from a person would illicit bad jokes, teasing, and immediate shunning. I remember one instance now, where all of us self-righteous teens walked away from someone obviously struggling, clicking our tongues, rolling our eyes, and making false promises to pray. Yes, that person was gay. And that person had reached out for help. The help didn't come, but the shaming did. That person left our group of Christian friends because of the teasing. Bitterness followed, then depression. And a few years later, suicide. That person possessed great intelligence, talent, and a knowledge of God's word. But a lack of help and support extinguished any light they could have shone for Christ.

I'm sure that there are families out there who have children and siblings who have come out of the closet to them. They don't want their friends to know about their child. They are ashamed and worried. They also love their child but have no safe place to talk with anyone without fear of the same shunning. Not even a spouse or close friend. Dear soul, message me. I'll do my best to work with you and share some of my resources. And I promise ( I have references) that I will not disclose any names, numbers, or anything that you do not wish to share with others.

So, why after all of this am I the "Torn Teapot"? In the interest of being totally open, it's because I haven't figured it all out yet. I don't know if Christian homosexuals are or are not allowed to have loving, monogamous relationships. Personally, I have a struggle either way I think right now. But, it is not my place to judge other Christians. I cannot order their lives and convictions for them. I have to leave all of that to the individual and to the God that has redeemed them. I will not even attempt to begin to start to do the work of the Holy Spirit. NO WAY, NO HOW! I'm not interested in debating this one way or the other. I'm interested in being led by God when the matter affects me and those I love personally.

But I do know this, Christ left us with two commandments: love and serve God above all else, and love others as yourself. There is no clobbering in God's love, only discipline to guide us back to His way.

Below is a link to a book I found particularly helpful. This does not indicate my complete and utter approval of every word, but this author's story blessed my heart and God used it in my study.

Torn: Rescuing the Gospel from the Gays-vs.-Christians Debate 

God has burdened my heart to help those struggling. I didn't ask for this, but I gladly give my service to Him who redeemed me! Pray for me. Pray for the my ministry. If you need help, please email or message me. If you want to debate. . . leave a comment and debate the other commenters.

Serve God, Love others.

Teapotjan

Blue Teapot under a Black Cloud

Well, the last couple of weeks have proven to be . . . interesting. . . and full of life's lessons. Often, I wish I could go ahead and learn everything I need to know so the lessons would end, but I don't think that's how it works. So, ONWARD!

My last post concerning medication brought up comments from several people in my email feed, and private messaging. The comment from "anonymous" stirred up people more that I would have thought. Please know that I was not upset. That person obviously cares enough to want to help, and I welcome opinions other than my own. Isn't that how we learn and grow? We exhort, we listen, we measure against God's standards, apply as appropriate and move forward.

That said, I believe that the kind person that left the comment has never experienced the type of depression I was addressing: clinical depression. In no way do I want to attack that person. I know many folks who feel the same way, and it those people I want to address.

Here is a link to an article discussing the difference between feeling sad due to circumstances and being perpetually depressed: Is it Depression or is it the Blues?. EVERYONE gets the blues. (Hmm, that should be a song or something). An accident, a severe loss, or a bad day, along with many other things can bring about a case of the blues. However, most people bounce back with the passage of time. The blues can lead to the type of depression the commenter was addressing, especially if we turn from God during difficult times, but it is not clinical depression. Even then, I don't think just putting on a smile, and acting happy will solve the entire issue, though it can help. Maybe today's society should not toss medication at everyone in a funk so quickly. I do see fault in that. If someone is bogged down with a case of the blues, and it hinders their service to God, they should get counseling from a reliable, biblically-based source. Medication can not fix a spiritual problem, but many use it as an excuse for sin. Satan will use any weakness to hinder us, and he won't hesitate to attack when we are down. In these cases, we must examine our attitude, and heart for God.

But there are millions that experience true, can't-get-it-to-stay-away, clinical depression. A blood test (and recently it has been discovered,a CAT scan of the brain) can confirm that an individual's depression is a physical condition needing medical treatment. I confess, that as I sit here and write these words, I am dealing with that black cloud hovering over my head. I sit here knowing that God is in control, knowing that He loves me, actively engaged in intercessory prayer for a few particular individuals, praising God for His creation, and pondering Scriptures recently read. But, I feel depressed, with a small side of hopelessness. However, since I know that I suffer from a medical condition, I can ignore the cloud while acknowledging its existence, and continue to serve God. 

My youngest suffers from a chronic nerve disorder that causes constant and often severe pain in one of her legs. If you see her, you will see no signs of trauma, and she doesn't appear to be in pain most of the time. She takes medication to help control the pain, but it is never truly gone. We have been to several doctors, and she has gone through many treatments. During that time she learned what medical condition caused the pain, and is now able to mostly ignore it while still having to acknowledge that it's there. Sound familiar? She could give in to the pain and let it run her life, but God allowed us to find doctors and medicines that could help her. She looks to Him for help, and she is a sweet, and faithful Christian. I am very proud of her. But her pain still persists. If we had not sought help and treatment, I think she would now be completely crippled from the pain.

Everyone feels sad or depressed from time to time. It's a natural response to adverse circumstances. During those times, we must look to God for grace realizing He controls all things. 

Other folks suffer from a medical condition known as "clinical depression." My hopes and goals in all of this?

1. To help those folks realize that they need assistance, and to encourage them to seek it without feeling embarrassed or ashamed. Once they know why it's there, they can learn to acknowledge and ignore their hovering dark cloud and carry on with life. 
2. To help others, like the commenter, to realize that not all depression is     equal. Believe me, telling a clinically depressed person to smile and act     happy is like telling someone with undiagnosed pain to "walk it off." The statement is well-intentioned, but it will cause more harm than good.
3. To use my experiences with my own depression to uplift others and point   them to the Great Healer. He allowed me to suffer with this condition in     order for me to honor Him with the lessons I've learned. I want to do that with all my heart.

No more guilt folks, only repentance. Those who fully understand His grace and love desire to serve and honor Him. He knew us from the edge of time, and He provides a way through the darkest of clouds, and the deepest of blues.

Happy Depression Sufferer, medicated, and still serving Him!
Teapotjan

Steady As She Goes, the Medicated Teapot

On this journey from guilt to grace, I still find myself going backwards from time to time. The biggest cause for reversal? My guilt about suffering from depression. My fellow sufferers understand that we feel badly about being depressed, and we worry about how it looks to other people, and we ponder our lot in life, and then we get-well-more depressed. It's a vicious cycle, and I doubt that I will be able to completely avoid this downward spiral until God gives me my glorified body.

A recent post from a sweet friend and fellow sufferer reminded me that we still look at mental illness as something we can control all on our own. Something that makes us ashamed. Something that makes others look down on us. Something to hide and deny, hoping that it will go away.

Well, guess what? It won't. Clinical depression is an illness. Just like diabetes. And cancer. It's an ILLNESS! Diabetes requires medication and treatment. Cancer requires medication and treatment. Depression requires medication and treatment. If left untreated, any of these could be fatal in one way or another.

So, my point? If you are clinically depressed, take the medicines prescribed. Learn ways to manage and treat your illness. But do NOT be ashamed. No, you don't have to broadcast that you have an issue. Just don't cower when someone finds out about it. It's not something anyone would wish on themselves anymore that we would wish for shingles. But it IS what God has for you, and He doesn't hand us anything we can't handle, even if that means taking meds, and getting counseling. Don't you think He gave people the knowledge to make those meds and give that counseling?

Please realize that I'm writing this to remind myself, as well as to encourage others. I'll take my medications as long as I need them, which will probably be for the rest of my life, just like a diabetic will need to take some form of insulin for the rest of theirs. Praise God for modern medicine and doctors! I'm thinking that if they didn't exist, I or someone dear to me would be dead from suicide or homicide--if you get my drift. So in addition to keeping my emotions level, I think my anti-depression medicines have saved lives. 

Medicated, and still on the path!
Teapotjan

Nice Guys Finish Last?

Being raised in a Christian home in the South by kind and loving parents formed me into what most people consider a "very nice person." God gave me the gift of empathy, and I love trying to help people try to live a happier life by supporting them and giving counsel when necessary.

This sounds great, doesn't it? "How Christ-like. How generous. How very nice you are," people tell me. I don't help people for praise or for anything in return. I do it because God gave me this gift and attitude and I want to serve Him by using it. At least that's what I like to think. 

The problem comes because most people are not nice. People in general are suspicious of those who are nice, thinking that they must have some hidden agenda that drives their actions. Even in Christian circles those who are incredibly helpful received the labels of "kiss-ups," "do-gooder," or "opportunist," among other things. The current generation of young adults has become so jaded by the "it's all about me" syndrome, that the help of others becomes an intrusion, or an insult to their individuality.

In the last few days, what started as a prayerful attempt to bring resolution to a situation between mutual acquaintances, and to find an answer to a pressing need in my own life and home, was labeled as a rude intrusion. And I found that my offer of help in the future would not be needed and they would seek a neutral party if the need should ever arise.

Because I had worked at being neutral, and had prayerfully initiated a meeting that I attended with great discomfort, I was flabbergasted! Actually, I still am. I had seen an issue. The issue affected people around me, my new business, and my home. I needed information, not gossip, or opinion, so I did what I know is right. I went to the source to get the information, and offered to mediate or help in the future. While I didn't get the answer I wanted, I honestly respected the person's decision, and consider it closed. 

The point of this post? To tell you that on this earth, nice people do finish last. At least in the perspective of the temporary. My initial reaction to this whole situation? I planned to NEVER help anyone but my very closest, most trusted friends again. Ever. Done with helping young people. Done with going out of my to help or offer assistance. Done dealing with the emotional baggage others carry. Done. Finished. Retired. Over it. Me, myself, and mine, that's it.

My feelings after a couple of days? I've learned my lesson: Nice people do finish last on this earth. They often get overlooked, walked on, questioned, and labeled. But when a "nice" person faces Christ and has their actions judged by the Savior, those things questioned by other people, but done in the name of Christ will endure the fires of judgement, and will indeed be the things that LAST. Those difficult tasks completed in the name of Christ become trophies to throw at His feet, and I'll take my LAST place in His light for eternity.

Will I still help people? Yes. Will I jump in as readily? Maybe not. In the last two years, I've been twice burned after two huge investments of time, money, and emotion. Can we learn from every situation? Yes, and it seems that we learn more from the bad ones. 

So, here I sit in last place, stinging, and hurt, but hopeful. Hopeful that I'll get to see resolution and growth in the people I help, and hopeful for His soon coming.

Looking to the finish line with hope and faith,

Teapotjan

God's Very Own Teapot

Change happens. Sometimes it holds great promise and improves the lives of those experiencing it. Other times, it brings sorrow and distress. Rarely does it affect us in no way. And it almost always holds some aspect of fear, and anxiety even when it is change for the good.

One of the hardest things in my journey from guilt to grace has been the change. I have left old ways, and I am embracing new ones. But I spent the better portion of fifty years in those old ways. They are familiar and sometimes cozy, and well . . . . easier to handle because they are so familiar. I made only a few major decisions and left the rest to the leaders I had chosen to trust. Actually that trust in leaders was one of the decisions. They already had studied the Bible, they were in an authoritative position, and I could trust what they said with no question and apply it to my life and be a good Christian and be submissive and . . . go to Heaven based on what they taught. Right?????

Not really. Our relationship with God is personal. A biblical pastor's prayer during a service is not our own prayer. Our leaders do not speak to God for us, we must do that ourselves. He longs to hear OUR voices praise HIM. He uses Godly leaders to teach us, but He wants to have our hearts and our ears for Himself. We are God's very own. Each of us who believe Him. That just makes me shiver with delight.

So, as I realized that not all of the teaching I received was Biblical and might indeed have been only the personal opinion of a fellow sinner, I started on this rather frightening journey. The familiar landscape of fundamentalism fell away, and the narrow road of God's grace rose ahead of me in what seemed to be a glorious, but formidable and steep climb. I felt weak in my beliefs. I was unsure of what I actually did believe, and I wondered if I could truly break away. As I've said before, I've almost turned back several times. But that glorious road rising ahead and the warm light of God's grace shining on me, a sinner that He loved and wanted, beckoned me forward, and I can't look back.

Some of you are wanting to break away into the freedom of God's grace, but you are afraid of what your church friends will say, what your pastor will think, what your parents will do. You're right, this is scary. It really, truly is. We're human and most of us want to please others. But our main goal as Christians must be to please Him and develop our own relationship with Him. All those people must make their own personal decisions, and they may not like the path you chose, but if God is in this change, He will guide you. I would say "I promise" but I don't have to, because God already said that He promised.

If the Lord leads in some of my next few entries, I'll get into some of the specifics of things that frightened me as I have journeyed these last few years. Some are funny, some are considered controversial, and others are still, frankly, scary. Since I won't be perfect until I reach Heaven, I guess that's how it will be until then.

Look into your own heart, seek out wisdom from God's Word, talk with those who have started the journey before you and ask questions. It's okay to be frightened, but don't let fear keep you under cloud of guilt. When you're ready, come join me and others on this glorious high road to Heaven and grace.

Warming on the narrow way in the light of God's Grace,
Teapotjan

Teapot Trepidation

At times, my journey from guilt to grace has been so difficult, confusing and frightening that I almost turned back to the old, familiar ways of my world inside the bubble. There I could fall back on the teaching of men I had once respected, hang around with those of like faith and dress and talk and walk and desperately work to maintain the fragile integrity of my filmy cage.

But I can't, I just can't go back. The freedom I find in the light of His grace sits too sweetly on my lips. That light draws my eyes upward to Him and my eternal home making this world, especially the one in that bubble, dark and murky with guilt. This rich fellowship I enjoy with Him even in the midst of a storm of depression far outweighs the familiar and tedious tasks of working to be a good citizen of the bubble.

However, there is a scary side to this journey. Even while we begin to realize the full joy of His grace, we look around to see things that we once held as truth disappear into the murky abyss of our former guilt. Questions flood our minds and fill us with doubt.

What to do? First, realize that it is okay to question everything. When we question and find answers it solidifies what we believe. Why do we say the Bible is God's word? Why does God allow suffering? Did God really create the universe? Can we really know God's will or is it a guessing game? This first stage leaves us vulnerable and second guessing everything we believe. In my experience this was the scariest time. I was unsure of myself, unsure of my faith and . . . angry!

Anger? Yes. It seems to be the second stage of the process. How dare those preacher and teachers lead congregations to believe that embracing their own particular set of preferences led to being a good Christian! How dare the preacher say that having a dog in the house was sin and that working on Sunday was wrong while he ate out in restaurants after church! How dare they define how we live, vacation, entertain, dress, sing, etc. based on their interpretation of the Scriptures! How dare they take over the job of the Holy Spirit! How dare they preach and teach and say they love God and cheat on their spouses and act like sinful humans and carry on like it wasn't their fault! ARGH!

I still have many moments when this feeling wells up inside me as I come across yet another man made rule credited as doctrine, but I'm also learning how to handle it with God's help. God doesn't leave us in the midst of doubt and anger. In my next post, I'll discuss how to question without losing faith, and how to discern Biblical preference from man made reasoning.

Asking Him questions and receiving His answers,

Teapotjan

Drinking the Last Cup of Tea

A friend's adult son committed suicide yesterday, on Mother's Day. He possessed great musical talent, and sang with his family for decades on numerous cd's and radio broadcasts. My children knew his siblings and we listened to their tapes in the car on the way to and from school. Thousands of children and their parents listened to his family's music. His family has  impacted many and their testimony for the Lord shows them as faithful servants. We didn't agree on every point of Scripture, but our core beliefs are the same, and I always appreciated their ministry.

Now many will look to them again to see how they react in this worst of times. Will they declare that God has forsaken them? Will they be crippled with guilt and despair? Will they blame themselves and review everything nuance of their life with him? How can they get past the fact that their adult son turned his back on life and jumped into the arms of death? And I believe I know the answer to all of these.

In my tradition of transparency, I will admit that I have considered suicide a few times in my life. During one of those times, it didn't seem a selfish act. I felt that those around me would be less burdened without me, that somehow my death would solve several problems for several people, and that it would be my final gift to them. Another time, my thought process was completely selfish. I felt that everyone around me took me for granted, and that I could leave them behind to suffer, and I would go on to my reward in Heaven. So there.

None of those times did I come to the point of forming a complete plan, just a few random thoughts about what was at hand to complete the deed. By God's grace, each time that's where the process ended, and I can pull from my experience to help others. It is not where things end for some. 

Anytime I hear of a suicide, especially that of a Christian, my heart breaks for what they must have been suffering to lead them to that point. My thoughts and prayers go immediately to the family and friends of the victim. I lift them before the Lord and ask for peace and strength and wisdom for them. Some treat suicide and suicide attempts like a disease or stigma, and not like the cry for help that it is. That stigma and shame can cripple someone trying to recover from an attempt, or cause further damage to a family already frail from grief.

That leads me back to the questions about my friend's family. They have already made a statement that they are looking to God for help and grace. Since they are human, they will feel guilt and despair, but God will provide the grace they are praying for. They will certainly review what they could have done differently, they can't help it. But again, God gives grace and strength to handle the trials He allows. And they will be able to carry on because he testified to being a Christian, so they have the hope of seeing him again, and they know that he is now safe from the troubles and demons that plagued him.

Some may ask if a person who commits suicide can go to Heaven. Yes, they can. There is only one way to stay out of Heaven, and that is by rejecting Christ's gift of salvation. I have found no other "sin unto death." 

Suicide tragically ends a life. Whatever the reason, all suicide attempts involve a person with no hope and no joy. Speaking to Christians, if you have suicidal thoughts, please get past the stigma of shame and guilt and ask for help. If you suspect someone around you is considering suicide, tell someone that can help and begin to fervently pray. If you know a family rocked by the suicide of one of its members, pray for them and support them. Don't avoid them, but let them know that you care. Don't let the false stigma of suicide drive you away from them at a time when they need friends the most. And don't let that false, man-induced stigma keep you from getting help if you need it. 

Teapot in the Tempest! Sink or Swim or Trust

Blah de blah de blah de blah. Last night with some warning I was hit with waves of depression. Not the nice gentle waves that can almost rock a body to sleep with their normalcy and familiarity, but big, crashing waves washing over me one after another. I should have known. People have been asking me for several days if everything was okay. I gave my usual "no, but yes" answer meaning that a few things were bothering me, but not enough to take me down. But then yesterday evening something triggered the storm and the waves began to crash down on me from every direction.

I'm not sure what the trigger or triggers were. Looking back over yesterday and the few days preceding, I have my suspicions. Any one of several things could have been the culprit, and all are legitimate troubles. All are worthy of prayer, and a few could cause downright hopelessness. But, I've come along way since first realizing I suffered from depression.

Today, I'm still down. I feel tired and restless. There's a faint ripple of hopelessness around me, but it's very faint. The waves have calmed, but the sky is still stormy, so I'm still on edge, concerned that another storm will come. But I am okay. Not great. I don't feel like skipping through fields singing with the Von Trapp children, or cooking, or anything. But I'm okay.

At one point earlier in my life, this would have made me feel terribly guilty. Did not all the preachers say that Christians should always be happy and cheerful and loving and singing and . . . how dare we be depressed when Christ died for our sins and we have an eternity in Heaven waiting where all the Christians will be happy and cheerful and loving and . . . whoopideedoopdeeday. Heaven isn't today. Today is hard. Life on this earth is hard. I don't always do the right thing and neither do those around me, so stupid exists here. Stupid makes life hard.

Am I sinning? Not by being depressed. I could easily though. I have the potential to let the waves drown me and wipe out any service I could do for the Lord. But, with the Lord's help, I'm not going to sink, I'm going to get out of this storm. And that's what makes the difference. You don't drown just by being in rough water.You can swim-for a while. But there finally comes a point when you give up fighting and either give in to the waves and drown, or reach out and get help. For a Christian, help is always available. My choice today is to reach for out for that help, to cry out to my Savior, and seek out comfort from the friends He has given me that understand and will pray for me. 

Like I said, I'm still down, but I'm not feeling guilty about it. God has reminded  me that their are calmer waters and clear skies ahead. Sink? Not today. Swim? Not that good at it. Trust? Yes, in my wonderful Lord.

Thank you, Lord, that you lift me out of the tempest and calm the storms of depression that rage around me. Thank you for the true friends you have provided that I know will pray for me and understand. Remind me, Lord, to pray for them when they are drowning in their own tempest. Help us to help others with encouraging words. Keep us from guilt, but bring us to repentance if we do give in to the waves.

Thank you, Lord!
Teapotjan

Yesterday's Stale Tea

Sundays bring lots of memories, good and bad. I can't help looking back on Sundays past. Growing up the way I did, so many things in my life revolved around church, church attendance, and church people: along with all the rules and "false heresies" that came with being a big "F" fundamentalist.

Don't get me wrong, I did learn a great deal of God's Word, and my parents tempered things through great home instruction. But in our early days of church attendance, my parents were still relatively young in their salvation. So they did what many young Christians do, and followed their pastor's lead and trusted that he was led to do and say the things he did by the Holy Spirit.

Before I get too far I must credit a blog entry shared by one of my friends. Bob Bixby's blog entry "The New Fundamentalism."  Many of the things he shared struck chords deep in my heart, and I knew I had to share his thoughts and mine.

In my time as a child and teen in church I believed that what you wore defined your spirituality at least in part. So as soon as I was old enough, I begged to wear hose and heels to church and school. I remember wearing hose to a camp meeting held in upstate South Carolina on the fourth of July because hose were what good Christian women wore to worship the Lord. Sawdust ruined said hose, so I had to have another pair for the next night, and the next and you get the picture. And the temperature was well into the 90's that week.

As for women in pants, they were acceptable only if you were out of town on vacation, and culottes were the preferred choice for the modest Christian woman. They still are for many. But after climbing up a steep grade to get to a waterfall at camp and seeing what the girl's culottes above me revealed, I changed my mind about that. Then, it became knee pants with a flap in the front and back to conceal the fact that I had two legs. According to the pastor and his wife, these garments had to look like skirts or they were sinful. I'm serious. "Women should never wear men's garments." Unless you weren't in your own town. You could wear them in someone else's city, but not yours. 

A good friend of mine who grew up in the same area I did with very similar experiences was told that men did not wear wire-rimmed glasses because they were "worldly." Horn-rimmed glasses ruled the day for the church men in our area because they were acceptable and set them apart as Christians. We both also apparently heard the same sermon about having animals in the house as being wrong. "Bless God. If you want hair in your gravy, go ahead and have a dog in your house. Satan would just love for you to have dog hair in your gravy, but I won't be eating at your house." 

There are many, many other similar things, large and small, that I remember from those days. I was taught to trust my authority. I was taught not to question-at least not out loud. I obeyed and judged others and lived in fear of displeasing God, my parents, the pastor, and the other church people. I did have one pair of pants I wore to elementary school so I could play on the monkey bars. I remember praying that God wouldn't return that day so I wouldn't go to Heaven wearing pants.

Many of you will realize how silly and wrong proclaiming these things as sinful really is. But some won't. There are still things proclaimed in churches today that are just as silly and foolish. You may get upset with me. But I'll say this: None of those things were wrong in themselves. But basing your own spirituality and the spirituality of others based on how they handled these items was and is wrong! These are preferences turned into "false heresies." False heresies make believers feel guilty for no reason, and Satan feel happy for their distracting properties.

That's all the stale tea I have for now. I'm grateful that God led me to seek out His truth and bring me into the light of his Grace. Search your heart and beliefs. Everything comes down to the Gospel, nothing more. Any additions or preferences lauded as indicators of true salvation and spiritual may lead you to swallow the lie of "false heresies."

In His Grace with fresh tea everyday,
Teapotjan

Strong Tea, Strong Coffee, Strong Christian

Strong tea. Okay, I actually drink coffee more often, but the principle remains the same. The best tea or coffee has to go through some sort of process, usually involving heat, to become its best. It's the same for a Christian. In order to conform to Christ's image, we must go through processes that often involve things we don't enjoy.

How does these things fit into the journey from guilt to grace? Foremost, going through a trial does NOT always mean that you are doing something wrong. God will send trials at times to bring us back to him after we have wandered away from Him. He wants to restore fellowship with us. This chastening, or discipline, occurs to restore fellowship, not as payment.  When we repent, the whole issue is over. We should feel remorse at our sin, and strive not to repeat it. But even if we sin again (and we will), the depth of His forgiveness covers our sin. Wallowing in guilt over the situation will only hinder us from serving Him. I'm convinced that while remorse and repentance brings us closer to God, guilt serves Satan's purpose to cripple God's children. He desires that we live in grace, not fear and guilt.

Recently I encountered great conflict which still isn't completely resolved. My first reaction involved throwing up my hands, sobbing, declaring that I was pulling out of the situation entirely, and let the carnage lay where it fell. I didn't want to fight and I didn't want the pain. So THERE! Frankly, I don't enjoy conflict and trial. I believe that I will never be thankful for pain and anguish. You're probably never going to hear me say, "Praise God that hurt so badly and that I cried for days."

So, why is it necessary to go through trials if we don't have to like them? Why can't we sail to Heaven on flowery beds of ease? That would be my preference.  Like Daffy Duck, I'm not like other people: pain hurts me. But, the fact is humans learn more from trials than from success. We gain more compassion for others by going through pain. And we learn to trust in Him more when we cannot help ourselves. And the lessons learned and the trust gained helps us not only to grow more Christ-like, but strengthens us for future conflicts. 

How do conflicts help us? Often during a conflict we lose stuff that we just don't need. All things that grow need a good trim from time to time. Some of the things I have trimmed away (or lopped in some cases) during a trial include bitterness, judgmental attitudes, fear of the future, and self-doubt (not all of it, but some-I still have plenty-so I'm sure I'm not done with trials). 

In the meantime, I gained many things. In the midst of a terrible time, when nothing seems humanly possible, there stands no choice but to look to Him. Once we put our faith in Him and let Him handle the impossible, He faithfully delivers us, and we gain trust and confidence and peace. It's that peace in the tempest that I wrote about two days ago. I don't think there's a better feeling than knowing you can completely trust Him. And then later, when a friend faces a similar trial, we find new compassion for their needs and can be used by God to help them through the hard parts by sharing how faithful we found Him. We're more than we were when started, we're stronger and more refined.

Leaves picked, cleaned, crushed, dried, and steeped turn into soothing hot tea. Beans picked, roasted, ground, and brewed into steaming java glory. Christians tried, conflicted, refined, and conformed to Christ-likeness. Each better, stronger and more desired than at the start. It's all in the processing.

Water is Ready, But I Can't Reach the Tea

Since you are joining on my journey from guilt to grace, I'm going to be as transparent as possible, tell you my problems and frustrations, and then see how God makes them a lesson. He always does. So . . . let's talk about this morning. 

It's my last day off before doing a three day work weekend: Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, twelve hours each day. I don't get much accomplished on these weekends except work. I'm no spring teapot and thirty-six hours in three days just takes a bit more out of me now than it would have twenty years ago. That being said, I try to get a few things done ahead of time. You know, silly stuff like cleaning, and spending time with my family and so on. 


I slept in for a bit. When I woke up, I lay there planning what to do. I've been putting off my bedroom until I could put away winter clothes and bring out the spring and summer stuff. So today was the day! My husband wakes up, and he's sick. Running a fever. Tired. Needs to rest. In the bedroom. Argh. Not mad. Just can't reach that goal. Grumble. Need breakfast, need coffee.

Since I don't have to work, I think a biscuit that I don't have to eat in the car on the way to work would be great. Hubby doesn't want one. My dad wants a sausage, egg and cheese, the one other person awake wants bacon, egg and cheese. Sounds good. Make coffee. Go to get in van, and I'm parked in. Since I wear my emotions on my sleeve these days, I cry dumb tears of sheer frustration. I could have a meltdown. I'm tired. I deserve it. But then I won't get a biscuit, and neither will my dad, and neither will the other awake person. So, I have to rouse the driver of the car that parked me in, and have them move it. I somehow muster enough kindness to offer that person a biscuit as well, but they were going back to bed. BACK TO BED? 

I guess I haven't mentioned that my next plan of attack was to clean and vacuum the hall and family room before I went this afternoon to babysit for one of my dearest friends and hangout with two of the cutest twins this side of anywhere. But that would wake the sleeping-in person whom I had already gotten up to move the car so I could get the biscuits. ARGH.

Thankfully the trip to the biscuit place was uneventful, because the Lord knew this teapot was probably steamed up enough to commit some serious road rage crime. I delivered the biscuits to their proper recipients and sat down in the uncleaned, not-vacuumed family room to watch television, drink my coffee, and eat my biscuit while not in a car. And I can't find the remote. I think I have, but it turns out the one I found was the old, broken one that had the batteries removed and was thrown away. But, like a zombie, it had returned from its grave and was now apparently searching for battery brains. ARGH! ARGH!

What to do? What to do? Pray? No, I'm too mad. Get up and look for the remote? No, the old one would just eat its batteries. Plot murders? No, those are illegal and I work in law enforcement-too much paper work. Ah! I'll write. That's the outlet the Lord has provided and that's what I'll do!

And as I write, I think. What does the Lord want me to learn? Why am I frustrated to the point of tears. I have the stupid hot water, why can't I reach the stupid tea? It's just tea. . . .It's just cleaning. . . .It's just a minor delay. It's just . . .minor. 

Where once I would have continued to be frustrated, I'm sharing my lesson learned  through the outlet the Lord has provided. Instead of feeling wretchedly guilty that I'm not a good wife, mother, friend, daughter, I'll look to Him for grace to do what I need to do today. Even while writing this, I feel calmer and eager to see my friend in a short while. It doesn't hurt that I'll get in some cute, twin snuggles later today, either. 

Is it a perfect day? No, no, it's not. Is it an awful day? Yes, partly it is. Is it a day to be defeated? No! I don't have to enjoy the struggles and frustration. But, I can sure learn lessons from these struggles and any others that come my way today. Will I cry again today? Maybe, maybe not. But that's another outlet the Lord has me use now, so no big deal.

It's Grace, folks. Not guilt. It's lessons learned, and forgotten and learned again. It's crying, and laughing, and helping, and loving and apologizing and whatever it needs to be to serve Him.

Besides, I actually like coffee better. And I CAN reach that. 

Parked in, but okay with it. Sorry I groused.

Teapotjan

Tears in the Tea

Tears. I confess I'm a cryer. That fact intensified when I hit the wonder of the CHANGE OF LIFE. I cry when I'm happy, I cry when I'm angry, I cry when I'm proud, overwhelmed, sad, terrified and almost any other strong emotion a human can experience. I also cry when I am . . . depressed.

The "D" word. The boogeyman term that haunts christian counselors, and secular psychiatrists through their entire career. It turns good Christians into unsuitable servants, and shuts down amazing people just by showing its boogeyman face. It is blamed for suicide, pain, illness, apathy, weight gain, and the fall of mankind as we know it. Okay, that last one is a bit much, but if you've ever been depressed you know that's kind of how it can feel.

Back in my guilt-ridden days, I believed that any time depression came my way, that I was sinning and not trusting in the Lord as I should. I would cry and repent, and pray for help, and still feel depressed. This concept still reigns in many christian counseling and psychiatry classes. Those who hold that depression is merely a spiritual problem, mostly men, can go so far as to put PMS and post-partum blues in this same category. I cried ANGRY tears at that one. 

I wrote earlier that highly intelligent and creative people often suffer from depression more than other groups. It seems to go with the territory, though it's not exclusive. Depression can affect anyone. It can be crippling, especially when leaders like pastors, counselors, and teachers say it is a spiritual problem. That's just . . . well. . . depressing.

So my answer to all of this? Being depressed it not sinful. It is more often than not the result of an actual physical problem. Low levels of certain chemicals, genetics, stress, and several other medical issues can bring it on. Can it lead to sin and defeat? Why, of course it can. It can even kill us. 

Look at it this way. No normal person wants to be sick. if a person has a cold, they can self-medicate, rest and get over it. If they have a severe illness, like cancer, it needs to be treated by a medical professional.  The sick person leans on others for support. They go through therapy, if needed, and work at getting better. If they don't, they will die. It really doesn't help if the only thing the doctor says at the start is "You have cancer. You are going to be very sick."

Same with depression. No normal person wants to be sad but everyone gets the blues.There are those times when we are weepy, and sad for a short time and then it's over. But sometimes the blues get very dark very quickly and soon envelope those of us prone to depression in a dark, bleak cloud. As Christians, we must learn to recognize what is happening, reach out for help and work to get out of this cloud. If we don't, the depression will grow and we may not survive. Bless me, I don't think telling the person in the middle of a very dark cloud that it's all their fault and they should get out of it is really going to help. Do you?

Don't feel guilty about depression any more than you would feel guilty about getting cancer. Recognize it for what it is and find ways to treat it. I like the commercial that portrays depression as a dark blob that follows a person around. It's always there, but with work, prayer and treatment it can be controlled and made much less of a problem.

Here is a link to another blogger's solution to her battle with depression: My 21 Tips on Keeping It Together During Depression. The viewpoint is secular, but many of the principles are the same. Her original version was much-um-saltier. But at my request, she did what she called an "un-sweary" version. 
Thanks to Rosalind Robertson @www.diycouturier.com I really appreciate your gracious help.

This will not be my only post on depression, I'm sure. It's a battle I fight almost every day. And it is a huge subject worth revisiting. But now, living in grace, I know that I have a Creator who made me as I am. Funny, creative, intelligent, stubborn, and friendly, and prone to depression. He loves me. He understands how sad I am more than any human could. He loves ME. Since I am washed in His blood, He no longer judges me even while He longs for me to do right and serve Him. And He loves me. 

Don't let anyone condemn you for being depressed. If they aren't willing to lovingly help you, and they don't see depression for what it is, then get away from them, and find a loving Christian friend, pastor, counselor, friend who will guide you and show you how the light of Christ shines through the darkness of depression.

Seriously, if you already depressed how in the world is being told you're in sin going to help? Tears of laughter for that one. 

Questions? Comments? Please let me know.