Let's Not Make it Harder Than it Has to Be

I think most of you will agree that life is hard, actually, most of the time. We live under the shadow of the fall of man, and the sin that exists in everyone's life. It takes no effort on our part to have a horrendous day. In fact, we often have to work to make a day a good one for ourselves and for others. Life is hard enough without turning every task into a Goldberg machine.

So why, why, why, why must so many Christians work at judging others and their lives? In the process of judging others, they expend their own energy, time and happiness in making another person's life hard. WHY? I've mentioned before that I've seen many "saintly, revered" folk walk around looking like they just smelled something horrible, their faces frozen into a perpetual expression of disdain and self piety. The energy and time they expend in judgement and criticism would be far better used in furthering the cause of Christ by helping and loving those they currently disdain.

I've met many people struggling with self hate, depression, and hopelessness because of people who took it upon themselves to inform others of just how sinful their actions are. And I've found that many of those struggling turn away from God because of those "informative" people. I know that probably was not the informant's purpose, but it is often the result.

And isn't that exactly the opposite of what Christ commanded us to do? He left us with two commandments that summed up His ministry and all of the Old Testament commandments: 
1. Serve and love God above all else. 2. Love others as you love yourself.
I'm not seeing any mention in either these two commandments or in the original ten that mention we are to be another's judge.

Folks, it's not "us" versus "them." It's not sinner versus saint. It's not straight versus gay, black versus white, preacher versus bishop, Baptist versus Catholic or us versus anything. It's God versus Satan. Evil versus good. And God, the ultimate creator and power of all, is the one who will do ALL judging that actually counts. And besides, if we see someone in obvious sin, in love shouldn't we go beside that person and HELP them, and pray for them? Every Christian carries the Holy Spirit within, and we can leave all the convicting to Him. And since we should not expect the unsaved to follow the commandments of a God they do not serve, shouldn't we be an example of God's grace as a saved sinner with an eternal Hope they don't have?

So, take it easy- so to speak. Use the energy you could expend on judging others to glorify God. Tell others of His Grace and Love. Live a life that mirrors Christ's ministry. He knew the sins of all those around him, and yet loved them, and ministered to them without discrimination or disdain. The only time we see Christ speak in a less than forgiving manner was against the hypocritical, religious leaders that took advantage of those seeking to serve God by sacrificing at the temple, and those judgmental  leaders who "praised God" that they were not like the common sinner.

Frankly, I think it's hard enough judging my own motives and service to Christ. I don't have time to worry about what others are doing except to see how I can help them. And I don't have time to judge them. I'll just leave that job up to the only Being in existence that can justly, and righteously judge us all.

Here I am, grateful to God for His Love and Grace, and "taking it easy."

Teapotjan

The Face of "Abomination"

No matter what you believe about same sex attraction, and same sex marriage, listen to this young man's testimony, and see if you can still call homosexual desire an "abomination." We can all have our opinions, but perhaps, as Christians we should temper our words with compassion.

No one has ever been drawn to Christ by angry, hateful words, and attitude. But everyone who came to Christ ultimately came because of His love.

This young man is an SBC pastor's son. His struggle is obvious. His "abomination" is not.

This isn't about gay people parading around in the streets. This isn't about politics, and laws. This isn't about rainbows and unicorns and abominations. And it isn't about you. It's about souls spurning the Gospel because of hate filled Christians. It's about young Christians filled with self hate and loathing and having no where to go for help. It's about our real job: 

SERVE GOD, LOVE OTHERS

Prayers and blessings,

Teapotjan

Steady As She Goes, the Medicated Teapot

On this journey from guilt to grace, I still find myself going backwards from time to time. The biggest cause for reversal? My guilt about suffering from depression. My fellow sufferers understand that we feel badly about being depressed, and we worry about how it looks to other people, and we ponder our lot in life, and then we get-well-more depressed. It's a vicious cycle, and I doubt that I will be able to completely avoid this downward spiral until God gives me my glorified body.

A recent post from a sweet friend and fellow sufferer reminded me that we still look at mental illness as something we can control all on our own. Something that makes us ashamed. Something that makes others look down on us. Something to hide and deny, hoping that it will go away.

Well, guess what? It won't. Clinical depression is an illness. Just like diabetes. And cancer. It's an ILLNESS! Diabetes requires medication and treatment. Cancer requires medication and treatment. Depression requires medication and treatment. If left untreated, any of these could be fatal in one way or another.

So, my point? If you are clinically depressed, take the medicines prescribed. Learn ways to manage and treat your illness. But do NOT be ashamed. No, you don't have to broadcast that you have an issue. Just don't cower when someone finds out about it. It's not something anyone would wish on themselves anymore that we would wish for shingles. But it IS what God has for you, and He doesn't hand us anything we can't handle, even if that means taking meds, and getting counseling. Don't you think He gave people the knowledge to make those meds and give that counseling?

Please realize that I'm writing this to remind myself, as well as to encourage others. I'll take my medications as long as I need them, which will probably be for the rest of my life, just like a diabetic will need to take some form of insulin for the rest of theirs. Praise God for modern medicine and doctors! I'm thinking that if they didn't exist, I or someone dear to me would be dead from suicide or homicide--if you get my drift. So in addition to keeping my emotions level, I think my anti-depression medicines have saved lives. 

Medicated, and still on the path!
Teapotjan

Teapot's Shared Tempest. I'm not the only one.

Recently a friend posted a link to a blog entry that resounded deeply with me. Today, I share that link with you and add my own thoughts concerning the continuing process of moving from guilt to grace. Click here to see the article without my inserted comments.

               15 things not to say to a recovering fundamentalist

Posted on September 11, 2013 by forgedimagination

There have been plenty of things I’ve heard since I started talking about Christian fundamentalism, and most of them make me want to tear my hair out. So, I put out a general call for some of the gems you have heard, and here’s a few that I got back.

          1. “You just need to work through your bitterness.”– Teryn

Bitterness. It’s a good idea to pretty much never use that word in particular. Bitterness, in fundie-speak, is a tool to silence anyone who is being critical. If you’re accused of “bitterness,” it means that you are incapable of viewing any situation or person “correctly,” that you lack the capacity for love and grace, and what you actually need to work on is yourself. You’re imagining things, nothing bad is happening, and you have a screw loose. This is actually a form of gaslighting– convincing the person who’s being attacked that they’re just crazy– and we’ve been beaten over the head with it for years. Just because we’re saying things about the Church that aren’t pleasant doesn’t make us bitter. Just because we sound angry doesn’t mean we’re bitter.

I did suffer from bitterness for a while. It still crops up from time to time. But it is no longer the driving force behind my desire for change in the church. I was hurt, and when people I trusted questioned me, I doubted my self. But after reading God's Word for myself, and praying, I knew I was NOT crazy, and that the bitterness was fading.

          2. “Don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater.” – Lydia

There are a lot of variations on this one, but it all boils down to this idea that Christianity is fine, it’s really just our personal experiences that we have to get over. And, I get why this one comes up a lot. For Christians who haven’t experienced either a) fundamentalism or b) spiritual abuse, their religion is one of the best, most wonderful, spectacular things in their life and they couldn’t imagine living without it. For us, though? It’s not even remotely the same feeling. When Christianity has been the weapon used to beat you, sometimes, throwing the whole thing out is the only healthy thing left to do.

When the very people that told you to "do right until the stars fall" do wrong, and you are left with confusion and hurt. It's time for a change. You have to move away from what people did, and look to God. Otherwise, you may lose your faith entirely. Seriously, I can give names of many who have.

         3. “You were never really a Christian.” — Libby Anne

It’s the teachings of “eternal security” and “by their fruits you shall know them” taken one step too far. And, frankly, it’s codswallop. By any measure, people who grew up in Christian fundamentalism, prayed the sinner’s prayer, loved God, loved Jesus . . . they were Christians any way you look at it. Just because they’re not Christians now has absolutely zero bearing on if they were Christians then. The same thing goes if they don’t fit your particular criteria for what you think a “Christian” is.

I find this one infuriating. I am secure in my faith. More now than ever, because it is not based on man's teachings, but on my personal relationship with Christ and His Grace. Seriously, people who think all Christians worship and serve Christ the same have never considered their brothers and sisters in other lands, and in other denominations. 

          4. “If you’re not currently attending a church, you have walked away from God.” — KR Taylor

People usually come to me armed with Hebrews 10:25 — “forsake not the assembling of yourselves together,” which is really just code for “real Christians go to church.” Which, seriously, asking some of us to go back to church is like asking a soldier with severe PTSD to go back to the battlefield, or asking a battered wife to go back to her abusive husband. You’re telling us that the only way we can be a “True Christian” is if we go to a building where all the other “True Christians” are once a week, and aside from sounding ridiculous, it’s inconsiderate and displays an astounding lack of compassion. If you’re telling someone who you know has been spiritually abused to get their ass back in church, all it means is that you haven’t been actually listening to us. If you were listening, you’d know exactly how hurtful and dismissive you sound.

This is the one I have heard the most. I cannot count the times I've walked into church in the last two years and encountered complete heebie jeebies. There were good, sweet people there with precious souls, and loving hearts, but the atmosphere and the music and the sent me to bad times. I'm not saying I will never go to church again. But it will still be a while longer. Don't worry. I have not left the faith. I truly love God. I have accountability with other believers. And I would appreciate your prayers for guidance, but not so much your invitations. We're still good in grace though-right?

          5. “You need to work this out with trembling and fear.” — Dani

Also known as, “Are you sure you want to be asking these questions?” Questions, in many arenas of Christianity, make a lot of us uncomfortable. The unfortunate thing that I’ve encountered the most is that I grew up understanding more about the God of the Old Testament than a lot of “typical” Christians I’ve encountered since getting outside of fundamentalism. Questions like “is God really a genocidal megalomaniac?” or “How is it fair or loving to hold millions of people accountable for something they’ve never heard of?” are legitimate, but they’re also not easy. As fundamentalists, we tend to be intimately familiar with an angry, jealous, righteous God, and trying to figure out how that’s the same Person that is also supposed to be Love is hard. Beyond hard, at times. It’s downright impossible for many of us.

This one may affect you more than me. I'm a bit of an egghead, and I enjoy asking questions about almost anything. But, because I look to God for the ultimate answers, this is not that hard for me. He is God. He can do what He wants. He knows the big plan. He is absolutely fair, and perfect and powerful. That's not to say this issue won't creep up in my future, but for now, I'm good.

          6. “I wish people just knew that if they remembered how good Jesus’ love for us is, these things wouldn’t seem so hard!” — Hännah

This one feels . . . empty. I’m super happy for all those people who have had amazing experiences with Jesus in their religion, but how good God or Jesus is doesn’t really change the fact that a lot of people’s lives are hell holes or that a lot of people who claim Jesus’ name have done some heinously evil things. And telling us just to ignore our “hardships” because “Jesus loves you!” is basically meaningless. It’s like splashing orange juice on a bullet wound. Sure, orange juice is awesome, and Vitamin C is good for you, but it’s not going to do anything to help.

Jesus is goodness. Humans are fallen. We live in a fallen Creation. There are spiritual battles all around us, some seen, some not seen. It is NOT fun to suffer. I will NOT praise God for the pain. I WILL praise Him for the Grace He provides and the lessons I learn during trials. I will use those lessons to point others to Him. And I will tell them that they do not have to be happy about their hardships, but they that can be happy that this is not all that we have.

          7. “Why do you have to criticize the Church? Do you hate Christians?” — Boze

Probably more than a lot of these, this one makes me want to tear my hair out and beat my head against the wall. I think this is another example of the Christian persecution complex gone crazy.  There’s this perception that Christianity is under constant, brutal attack on all fronts, and it’s a battle we’re all gloriously and nobly fighting, but it’s going to overwhelm us at some point and then everything will be terrible. This results in any form of criticism whatsoever being perceived as an “attack.” If what we have to say about the Church isn’t all happy-happy-joy-joy, then we should just stay quiet because we’re just making Christianity look bad. To ex-fundamentalists, this is a line we’re more than familiar with. Defending the reputation of the organization at the cost of actual people is a line we know by heart.

Argh, and double argh. God is perfect. The Church is not. If we can't observe, and "criticize" then what is the use of these thinking, speculative minds God blessed us with and wants us to use? I think God can take care of His own reputation.

          8. Quoting Jeremiah 29:11. Or Romans 8:28. Or pretty much any hand-picked verse about God working everything out. — Abi

Proof-texting. If there’s one thing that a lot of Christians, but fundamentalists in particular, are exceedingly good at, it’s this. Most of the pastors and preachers I’ve heard are the Kings of Taking Verses out of Context and Making it Sound Good. First of all, using verses like Jeremiah 29:11 (“I know the plans I have for you”) is bad hermeneutics.  Also, throwing single verses at us isn’t very helpful, and is really just frustrating. When Bible verses enter the conversation like this, it usually means that whoever we’re talking to is done listening, and they’ve decided the most helpful thing they can do is use a trite cliché we’ve heard exactly 164,455,795 times before.

I prefer hearing, "I know these things are hard. Aren't you glad God is in charge, and not us?"

          9. “You’re hurting the church. We need unity, not division.”

If I had a nickle.

It’s related to the “do you hate Christians?” comment, but this one is specifically an order to shut up and color. Criticisms of Christianity are not sowing division, just to be clear. There are all kinds of things that sow division– like telling the people in Moore, OK that they should be grateful that God deigned to destroy their homes, or covering up child molestation by pastors in your churches for over 30 years– but standing up for the broken isn’t one of them.

As if their very words aren't sowing division among Christians.. . .Sigh.

          10. “I’m a/my church is fundamentalist, and I’m/we’re not anything like what you’re describing.”

I run into this sentiment a lot. In fact, when I put out my request for this on twitter, one of the people who responded said “I’m a fundamentalist. Please don’t throw stones.” Which, was just . . . ironically funny, but also made me sigh. I use the words fundamentalist and fundamentalism to talk about a specific Christian movement, and I use the accepted term to describe it. I know a lot of people who claim the label “fundamentalist”– in fact, one of my best and dearest friends does– who don’t actually fit. There is a difference between traditionalism, religious conservatism, and adhering to “fundamentals,” which is really just Protestant orthodoxy, and fundamentalism. I’m using the term as it is modernly defined.

However, there are a lot of people who are fundamentalist and fit exactly what I’m describing, and still say this. Which, just . . . boggles.

Boggled here as well. 

          11. “If you are truly seeking God in this time, he will lead you to the Truth.” — Trischa

And if I’m led to believing in universalism? Or atheism? Or neo-paganism? Somehow, I don’t think they’ll believe me, because “Truth” usually means “whatever I think the Bible says.” The catch in this statement is “If you are truly seeking.” And they get to determine what “truly seeking” entails. If I don’t eventually end up agreeing with them, welp, I must not have been truly seeking!

This is just stupid-sorry. It's like non-christians claiming that sincerity will get you to Heaven. Lots of people are "truly seeking." 

          12. “Fundamentalism isn’t really Christianity.”

Oh, boy. I get this one so much, and I’m never entirely sure how to respond to it, because damn. What do they think Christianity is then? It’s a pretty big religion, and it’s got an awful lot of denominations. If believing that Jesus is God, literally came to earth, was crucified and resurrected and now sits on the right hand of the father, and he did all of this to save us from our sins doesn’t qualify you for Christianity, I’d like to see what does. Fundamentalism is an especially pernicious sub-culture in Christianity, but it’s not something totally different. They believe a lot of the exact same stuff that most Christians do– which was a huge shock when I eventually figured that one out. But, they take the hard-edged stance that they’re the only true Christians. So, it’s always funny to me when a non-fundamentalist says the exact same thing a fundamentalist would say about them.

This isn't the real argument against Fundamentalism. It's the conditions that many Fundamentalists put on being a Christian.

          13. “Be careful you don’t lose your faith.” — Hännah

People are genuinely concerned about us, and just want to make sure that we’re ok. However, the concept that we could be “ok” without religion, without Christianity– it’s a little bit too far outside the box for a lot of Christians. To a lot of the people I know, living without their faith would be pretty unthinkable. Thoughts like “I don’t know how people survive without Jesus” (which is a modern remix of “you can do all things through Christ”) are pretty common among Christians– and they mean it. To be honest, I’ve said that sort of thing on more than one occasion. But, let me assure you: we are just fine. For a lot of us, “losing our faith” was the best– and hardest– thing that ever happened to us.

It can also be the scariest. When you begin to question those things you were taught were "rock-solid, Biblical fact" and learn that some of it is man's interpretation and preference, you may "lose" faith. But, if you have already accepted Christ, then the Holy Spirit will comfort and guide you, just as God's Word promises He will.

          14. “I’ll pray for you.” — Lana

And what they mean by this is “I hope God shows you exactly how wrong you are soon!” (Thanks to Angela). Also, please avoid this one. If there’s a more empty, meaningless phrase in all of Christianity, I’d like to hear it, because I’m pretty sure it doesn’t exist. When someone says something like this, what most recovering fundies hear is “I don’t care about your problems, I want to exit this conversation, and please don’t even mention the fact that you’ve had a bad experience to me ever again.”

Lolololol. I guess I'd rather hear this than get a stick in the eye.

          15. “Your critiques of Christianity aren’t valid, because you’re just confusing it with your fundamentalist background.”

And, for me, this is the one that makes me want to rage-stomp. Because yes, my background was pretty bad. Yes, the church I grew up in was pretty crazy. Yes, the easiest way I have of describing my experience is by calling the whole thing a cult.

However, fundamentalism is really just a microcosm of Christianity in general. It’s not that there’s anything about fundamentalism that is super off-the-radar crazy that makes it obviously bad. All it is, really, is a concentrated version of Christianity. Think of every single thing you’ve ever run into at your completely normal, run-of-the-mill Protestant churches, and I guarantee you that you’ll find it in a fundamentalist church. They’re not different, really, they’re just intensified.Because of that, my background makes me more qualified to speak about some issues, because I have more experience with more aspects of it than your typical church-goer. I actually know what some of these teachings do when they’re consistently enforced.

Yes, I agree. When God allows one of His children to reach this place of understanding, when the blinders fall off, and we see God's people and the church for what it really is, it is HARD!!!!!!! And we are often tempted to ooze back into the easy, soft world of complacency and compliance. But, as I have said before, I cannot. God brought me here. He gave me this understanding. I will praise Him from my home, my car, the beach, the stores, at work, at play, because I see Him for the wonderful, awesome, Gracious God that He is. I don't need bumper stickers, certain clothes, hairstyles or a denomination to show that I love God. The very air I breath is His gift, and I will use it to tell others about Him!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And . . . that wraps it up for me. What about you? What are some things you’ve heard that just make you go crazy?

I ask, along with this article's author, do you have any thoughts to share? I'll take it from both sides.

Still on the journey,

Teapotjan

The Prodigal Teapot: Loving the Unlovable - Part 2

Last time, I asked for stories of anyone who reconciled with God and their parents due to a hard-nosed, not-in-my-house attitude. I didn't receive any, but I'm still willing to share them if I do.I'm also aware that there are loving, Godly parents whose children chose to break away from them and the Lord to never return. Those kind of instances will also play into what I have to say.

I have three children, two daughters and one son. This means that I often hurt my feet by stepping on a mix of Barbie shoes, small cars, AND Lego's  I also learned that girls and boys are innately different, and that all kids have their own personalities, quirks, and issues. One child is far more compliant than another, and the third seems to be a puzzling mix of compliance and rebellion depending on the day. They are each my favorite, and I beg them not to tell the others that I have chosen them as my "number one." Two of them love and serve the Lord and go to a church that preaches the Gospel, and another stands on the brink of being an atheist. But I love them all equally and unconditionally (most of the time-I'm not perfect either).

That child on the brink, that rebellious, almost atheist child--where did I go wrong? Did I teach that child differently than the others? Did my husband and I treat that child with undo harshness? Did we fail somewhere? The answer to all three is a resounding "yes!" But these are trick questions because we failed at some point with all three of them. We're human, and our parents failed at some point with us and their parents with them all the way back to Adam and Eve. The point is as Christian parents we taught them God's word, put them in God's hands, and now we must leave their relationship with God between them . . . and God. I can't force salvation upon them as much as I want to. I have to leave it up to the work of the Holy Spirit and God's divine will.

There have been and still are many tears and sleepless nights centered around that child. Once I was accused by a rather self-righteous school administrator that I was dragging my child down the wrong path. My heart broke because I knew that I was fighting to drag that child down the right path. I also knew that I loved my child and that this administrator did not. He saw this child as a problem and a bother. It showed in his speech and in his actions when dealing with any problem child. He literally cooed over well-behaved, cookie-cutter kids, tolerated the quirky, artsy ones, and disliked and avoided the unruly ones with all the questions until it was time for disciplinary action. I also know that as his children and nieces and nephews grew older, some rebelled and others complied, and others led double lives. And each of them has their own decision to make concerning God, just as my children do.

All of that to say, as Christian parents we have a responsibility to teach our children about God, to train them to love others, and to be helpful and kind to everyone. We teach them to do their best, and to work hard. They may or may  not learn all of these things, but we should still love them. After all, God loves all of us. Christ did not die on the cross just for the cookie cutter Christian kids, the well-behaved, and the ones who never rebel. He died for my child on the brink of atheism, my compliant child, and the one who waffles between compliance and rebellion. He died for my children's imperfect parents, and that self-righteous administrator, and his children--even the ones leading double lives.

Christ loves the unlovable, the prodigal, the obedient, the whiny, the atheist, the homeless. His arms are open to all of them until they make their final decision to love or reject Him. He is the perfect parent, and he has never turned away one repentant child.

In the next entry, I want to cover the parable of the prodigal son in Luke, and share a few ideas a friend brought up about the son who stayed home.

In His Love,
Teapotjan

Changing Out the Water- Brainwashing and the Christian

Last time, I exhorted readers to "question everything" and I still believe that. We have to examine what we believe and why we believe it for our selves: not because another person told us to believe it. But, I will add one caveat to that statement: If you question God, be prepared for some very strong answers! I have family members and friends who questioned all the beliefs from their childhood but did not seek the leading of the Holy Spirit. This may be because they have chosen not to listen, or because they are not saved and do not have the Spirit within them. Either way, it is a choice on their part, and because of God-given freewill, they must chose on their own.

There exists more books on Christian apologetics than I can think about without getting a headache. How Can I Know by Robert Jeffress is my current favorite. He asks and answers seven basic questions about God's existence and His Word. This book reads easily for a layman, and covers some very good points. Remember, these are the words of a man, but if you gauge them by the leading of the Holy Spirit, I believe you'll find good arguments for a strong belief in God.

From this basic understanding of God existence, move on to question the things you have been taught about living a holy life. Measure each teaching against God's word and seek a scripture that supports it. If you can't find a basis in scripture, it's a man-made belief. That doesn't necessarily mean that the teaching is wrong, but it does not define your walk with God. An example? The belief held by many conservatives that women should wear only skirts. Wearing skirts isn't a bad thing for women. But wearing a knee-length or longer skirt does NOT make a woman more Christ-like. Indeed, if she believes it does and looks down on those who do not dress the same, then she is not conforming to the image of Christ. Who's got the problem now? The praying, loving lady praising the Lord while wearing pants, or the pharisaical woman condemning another person based on clothing? 

Perhaps we should not be too hard on that disapproving lady. Why? Because many of us have been in the same place looking down upon those we feel less spiritual than us. And why do we do this? You may not like this answer, and you may need to sit down. . .  But many, many of us have been brainwashed. Yes, brainwashed by those who taught and preached to us and by those who taught and preached to them, and back to when one person decided that skirts were more acceptable in the eyes of God and that whatever did not exist in the Bubble must not be Godly and(start reading in a lofty, loud voice) woe be unto that lowly sinner, but for the grace of God there go I and . . . . It's almost an automatic response.

I don't want to admit that I lived a good portion of my life in a virtual cult. I don't like to think that many of the wonderful people that I know are still in a cult state of mind. And I am not going to blast any one denomination, place, or person by calling them cults or cult members. What I will do is post the definition of cult from the Merriam-Webster dictionary:

1 : a small religious group that is not part of a larger and more accepted religion and that has beliefs regarded by many people as extreme or dangerous 

2 : a situation in which people admire and care about something or someone very much or too much 

3 : a small group of very devoted supporters or fans 

4 formal : a system of religious beliefs and rituals 

By these definitions, most religions are cults. But what about the title of this entry up there? Brainwashing? You might want to sit down again. From Merrimam-Webster:

Brainwashing: a forcible indoctrination to induce someone to give up basic political, social, or religious beliefs and attitudes and to accept contrasting regimented ideas.

When I first realized this, I was horrified and in denial. How could I be part of a cult? How could I have allowed myself to be . . . brainwashed? After a while I realized that any strong teaching and learning can be classified as brainwashing, but it did make me review many of my beliefs.

In the next entry, I'll continue this line of thought, and see how it actually applies to those of us pulling out from big "F" Fundamentalism. I welcome any comments or questions. Again, I'm not one for huge, theological debates, so if you want to argue semantics or deep, deep theological thoughts I'm not your gal. I'm striving for a practical everyday application of Biblical truths for busy, practical people.

Meantime, below is a link from the blog of another lady who is going through a journey similar to mine. It is a fascinating read and the comments of her readers are thought provoking, and eye-opening.

Finding Faith After Spiritual Indoctrination

In His Grace,
Teapotjan

Steeping in Guilt

Less than perfect. We've all felt that way. Goodness, by our very nature we are all less than perfect. Trouble comes when our feelings of inadequacy take us over and cripple us from doing anything. Without help we can completely shut down and no longer be able to take care of ourselves, help others, and lose all hope of serving God. A larger problems looms when that "help" comes from judgmental, our-way-or-no-way, legalistic christians.

I go back to my earlier post Tea Cozy of Clay. I mentioned that my son was going through behavioral problems, and I was seeking help. My fears were that I had ruined his life and faith by some terrible thing I had or had not done or some thing I had or had not taught, or by missing a church service or failing to teach the right bible lesson or not spanking enough . . .and the list goes on and on. I was as much as told so by the pastor of my church, and by the looks of pity I received when my son pulled a boyish prank or didn't behave like a perfect, fit-in-the-mold son. I so wanted him to change and behave and my cheeks burned with shame. Shame turned to guilt, guilt turned to anger, and anger turned to bitterness. And in turn, I spread that bitterness to my son. If you are steeped in bitterness, bitterness is what you brew.

I looked for help with the youth pastor, nothing but a lesson plan for Bible study with no follow through. I asked some young men for help by mentoring. No one had the time. I asked at his christian school. That got me a "you're not doing your job and you're leading that boy down the wrong path." Oddly enough, all of this actually led me to be turned down for several positions at a nearby christian university since I obviously was ineffective because my son misbehaved. I no longer wanted to serve at church or attend because I hated hearing what others thought I could not about my son. No help. No encouragement, and nothing but an empty promise of prayer that I'd find something or someone to help. 

Let's fast forward to present day. My son does not serve the Lord. He is agnostic, and skeptical. He is inventive, proud, smart, funny, arrogant, and opinionated. And I LOVE him. He still lies even though I'm not sure he thinks I know it and he is far from perfect. And I still LOVE him. And he loves me. We still talk about the Bible, and faith. He talks, I listen. I talk and he listens. But I'm sure that he will never, ever listen to those who said he needed to fit into one kind of mold. And neither will I. I have tasted that cup of bitter tea, and I don't think I can handle it again.

On his birthday, just a few days ago, he wrote a comment on another entry on this blog: "I don't think you understand how great a mother you are. No one is perfect, but you have the biggest and most giving heart of anyone most people have ever met. I know that no one will ever love me more than you do, and I'm incredibly lucky to have you as a mom. . . . " That comment made for a very nice cup of tea indeed. And because of our relationship, I hold to God's promise that my son will come to Him.

I'm not perfect. I won't be until I see Heaven. None of us will. But in grace I know that I taught my son of Christ's love and gift of eternal life, and I am praying that he will see Christ's love in me. I love him. But, I do want him to change in one way. I want him to accept the Lord if he has not done so, and I want him to serve Christ as he is led by his own convictions and talents. I want to walk in Heaven with all of my children and praise Christ with them for eternity. I steep in the grace of God's love and forgiveness. 

Us imperfect people, we need help sometimes. Not judgment. Not a list of all the things we should be. But a loving hand, a whispered heartfelt prayer, and reminders of how God sees us as perfect through Christ's sacrifice. If you need help, seek out someone who speaks of changing through God's grace. If you know of someone who needs help, reach out in love. Don't turn away or spew platitudes and empty promises. 

Christ admonished us to love one another. And steeping and saturating in His love makes our brew the sweetest and best for ourselves and others. 

Turning the Teapot Away

Yesterday a close friend of mine had surgery. She came through it well, and I believe that she will feel the better for it. She's been a dear, sister/friend for twenty four or more years, and this is the first time I couldn't be with her during her recovery. Needless to say, we have some history. Our longtime friendship allows us to look back to hard times and remind each other that if the Lord got us through a huge mess before, then surely He will do it again. As I prayed for her my mind wandered back to a few of those huge messes and how the reaction of some of our acquaintances actually made the situations much more difficult. Judgement instead of compassion. Selfishness, instead of edification. Separation instead of love. I'm no longer bitter toward the people involved, but in my human form it wouldn't take much to get me back there. Fortunately, I serve a very loving, patient God.

Many years ago my friend's husband was killed in a motorcycle accident. She found herself in the midst of the spiritual battle of her life. She questioned God. She questioned living. She questioned everything. Our Sunday school class responded quickly, surrounding her and her school-aged children with support and love. That time stands out to me as a beautiful example of God's children caring for one another. Emotions ran high. Promises of support poured from the mouths of friends. For quite awhile, those promises were honored, and our group of friends grew very close. 

As time passed, emotions waned as did the support. There was one "friend" who had been close friends with the husband, and whose children were close to my friend's children. After a few months, he committed such an unthinkable act of selfishness, that he sent her children into a spiral away from all things remotely dealing with church and God. It was devastating to my friend, to me, and to those few who knew about what happened. Because of this unspoken act, our group grew apart, some of our children moved away from the Lord, and friendships were irreparably damaged.Those involved may be in Heaven before this issue can be fully resolved. But we often remind each other that God knows of the cowardice and selfishness involved. It's a bitter thing to swallow without becoming bitter. 

Being a young mother, my friend wanted companionship and a husband to help her guide and lead her children back to the Lord. Eventually, she began dating a series of men all thought to be properly Christian and faithful to church. There were lies, improper proposals, and many tears involved, until she met the man that is now her husband. They were engaged. We started planning the wedding. We were all happy for them. They were both smart, intelligent people. She was a widow, and he was . . . divorced. 

What? Divorced? Why? Did it fit within proper biblical standards? Where was his wife? He filed for it? Oh no, no, no, no. This can't be. Now, it didn't matter to the legalistic folks in our former group that the wife had left him, and moved in with someone else in another state. It didn't matter that both parties getting married were Christians, serving the Lord, and praying for wisdom. It only mattered that the man had filed the papers. The former wife had meantime gone around lying about physical abuse in her marriage, had obvious sin issues, and rejected counseling. But HE had filed the papers. These people (I can't call them "friends") refused to attend the wedding, and have since pretty much little or nothing to do with any of us willing to be involved. The hurt was great. It still is sometimes. These were people that had cried with us, shared holidays with us, fellowshipped with us. Friends that would keep each other's children, and share houses, and stories, and meals. And now, we are barely acquaintances.

I can respect people for having standards and convictions. But I do not respect those who separate from people who are demonstrating a true desire to do what is right. Christ's exemplifies the opposite. In my experience, judgmental actions and attitudes tend to drive those judged further away from church and from God. In grace, loving support can bring people closer to God far quicker than a standoffish, judgmental separation from those now deemed unfit for fellowship. Ah, legalism. If any of these folks read this and recognize themselves and are offended, I'm not sorry. But I do want them to know that living in the Grace of Christ, I would do anything for them if they needed help.

So, I look back, and I forgive (most days),  but I don't want to forget. I need to remember how it felt, and what repercussions their actions had on my friend's family and mine. I must remember. I don't want to shame our Lord by doing the same. I remember so that I can still reach out to those I don't agree with and still help them in love.

I remember because God reaches out to the unlovely, the sad, the confused, and the sinful, and offers love, help, guidance and wisdom. And I remember because God doesn't remember because of the cross.

Love in His precious name,

Teapotjan

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