Nice Guys Finish Last?

Being raised in a Christian home in the South by kind and loving parents formed me into what most people consider a "very nice person." God gave me the gift of empathy, and I love trying to help people try to live a happier life by supporting them and giving counsel when necessary.

This sounds great, doesn't it? "How Christ-like. How generous. How very nice you are," people tell me. I don't help people for praise or for anything in return. I do it because God gave me this gift and attitude and I want to serve Him by using it. At least that's what I like to think. 

The problem comes because most people are not nice. People in general are suspicious of those who are nice, thinking that they must have some hidden agenda that drives their actions. Even in Christian circles those who are incredibly helpful received the labels of "kiss-ups," "do-gooder," or "opportunist," among other things. The current generation of young adults has become so jaded by the "it's all about me" syndrome, that the help of others becomes an intrusion, or an insult to their individuality.

In the last few days, what started as a prayerful attempt to bring resolution to a situation between mutual acquaintances, and to find an answer to a pressing need in my own life and home, was labeled as a rude intrusion. And I found that my offer of help in the future would not be needed and they would seek a neutral party if the need should ever arise.

Because I had worked at being neutral, and had prayerfully initiated a meeting that I attended with great discomfort, I was flabbergasted! Actually, I still am. I had seen an issue. The issue affected people around me, my new business, and my home. I needed information, not gossip, or opinion, so I did what I know is right. I went to the source to get the information, and offered to mediate or help in the future. While I didn't get the answer I wanted, I honestly respected the person's decision, and consider it closed. 

The point of this post? To tell you that on this earth, nice people do finish last. At least in the perspective of the temporary. My initial reaction to this whole situation? I planned to NEVER help anyone but my very closest, most trusted friends again. Ever. Done with helping young people. Done with going out of my to help or offer assistance. Done dealing with the emotional baggage others carry. Done. Finished. Retired. Over it. Me, myself, and mine, that's it.

My feelings after a couple of days? I've learned my lesson: Nice people do finish last on this earth. They often get overlooked, walked on, questioned, and labeled. But when a "nice" person faces Christ and has their actions judged by the Savior, those things questioned by other people, but done in the name of Christ will endure the fires of judgement, and will indeed be the things that LAST. Those difficult tasks completed in the name of Christ become trophies to throw at His feet, and I'll take my LAST place in His light for eternity.

Will I still help people? Yes. Will I jump in as readily? Maybe not. In the last two years, I've been twice burned after two huge investments of time, money, and emotion. Can we learn from every situation? Yes, and it seems that we learn more from the bad ones. 

So, here I sit in last place, stinging, and hurt, but hopeful. Hopeful that I'll get to see resolution and growth in the people I help, and hopeful for His soon coming.

Looking to the finish line with hope and faith,

Teapotjan

Facing Fears

Back at the end of June, and before the startling month of July, I wrote about the fear involved in leaving the familiar ways of Fundamentalism. As God often does, He used several circumstances to teach me more. As I do, I delved into a bit of depression, and doubt. July has been a long, hard month for one reason or another, but it has been a month of learning, change, crying, laughing, doubt, and assurance.

Since leaving my last job, I've encountered more extreme ups and downs on my emotional roller coaster than normal. The lack of my own personal income limits my monetary ability to give to foreign missions, but that lack also helps me find new ways to contribute. The lack of a scheduled job distracts me from achieving goals, but gives me the time needed when I am focused. And the lack of needed room in my home frustrates me, even while those causing it are precious to me. I have the opportunity to reach for a dream, but I have many obstacles to overcome before reaching it. And of course, during these ups and downs, that old feeling of fear and the longing for the familiar crept up on me at the worst of times. 

One of those fears? Confronting those for whom I feel responsible. Truly, I hate confrontation, but I often find myself needing to initiate it. The biggest problem with that? I can no longer fall back on the pat phrases and teachings of my earlier church days. "Because I said so" and "Because that's the ways it's always been," and "because that's what Dr.Nowayjose said" no longer cuts it. After thinking on my own, and having my mind opened by the Holy Spirit, I must seek out the true, biblical reason that supports my objection to an issue. Self-doubt rears up, but, if I approach the person, or persons with the right attitude and prayerfully confront them, a surprising thing happens: amazing truths come out of my mouth! Many times after a confrontation, I'm astounded at what I have said, and I realize that it was not me and my wisdom, but that of God. He brings things from His Word to my mind from a great sermon heard years ago. Or an illustration will pop up in my head that fits the situation perfectly, and I recall it like it happened the day before instead of in the 80's. This must be what the Bible refers to as being a vessel for God's use, and it is a gift and a blessing when it happens. God requests me do something that I hate and fear, and then uses it to bless me when I obey! 

Next post, another fear. In the meantime, I would appreciate prayers for strength and motivation. I am starting up an art studio, but I have several obstacles as I mentioned. My plan is to use the money made not only to help support my family, but to help further the Gospel. It is my heart's desire to use the creative gift God gave me to His Glory.

Full Steam Ahead!

Teapotjan

Water is Ready, But I Can't Reach the Tea

Since you are joining on my journey from guilt to grace, I'm going to be as transparent as possible, tell you my problems and frustrations, and then see how God makes them a lesson. He always does. So . . . let's talk about this morning. 

It's my last day off before doing a three day work weekend: Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, twelve hours each day. I don't get much accomplished on these weekends except work. I'm no spring teapot and thirty-six hours in three days just takes a bit more out of me now than it would have twenty years ago. That being said, I try to get a few things done ahead of time. You know, silly stuff like cleaning, and spending time with my family and so on. 


I slept in for a bit. When I woke up, I lay there planning what to do. I've been putting off my bedroom until I could put away winter clothes and bring out the spring and summer stuff. So today was the day! My husband wakes up, and he's sick. Running a fever. Tired. Needs to rest. In the bedroom. Argh. Not mad. Just can't reach that goal. Grumble. Need breakfast, need coffee.

Since I don't have to work, I think a biscuit that I don't have to eat in the car on the way to work would be great. Hubby doesn't want one. My dad wants a sausage, egg and cheese, the one other person awake wants bacon, egg and cheese. Sounds good. Make coffee. Go to get in van, and I'm parked in. Since I wear my emotions on my sleeve these days, I cry dumb tears of sheer frustration. I could have a meltdown. I'm tired. I deserve it. But then I won't get a biscuit, and neither will my dad, and neither will the other awake person. So, I have to rouse the driver of the car that parked me in, and have them move it. I somehow muster enough kindness to offer that person a biscuit as well, but they were going back to bed. BACK TO BED? 

I guess I haven't mentioned that my next plan of attack was to clean and vacuum the hall and family room before I went this afternoon to babysit for one of my dearest friends and hangout with two of the cutest twins this side of anywhere. But that would wake the sleeping-in person whom I had already gotten up to move the car so I could get the biscuits. ARGH.

Thankfully the trip to the biscuit place was uneventful, because the Lord knew this teapot was probably steamed up enough to commit some serious road rage crime. I delivered the biscuits to their proper recipients and sat down in the uncleaned, not-vacuumed family room to watch television, drink my coffee, and eat my biscuit while not in a car. And I can't find the remote. I think I have, but it turns out the one I found was the old, broken one that had the batteries removed and was thrown away. But, like a zombie, it had returned from its grave and was now apparently searching for battery brains. ARGH! ARGH!

What to do? What to do? Pray? No, I'm too mad. Get up and look for the remote? No, the old one would just eat its batteries. Plot murders? No, those are illegal and I work in law enforcement-too much paper work. Ah! I'll write. That's the outlet the Lord has provided and that's what I'll do!

And as I write, I think. What does the Lord want me to learn? Why am I frustrated to the point of tears. I have the stupid hot water, why can't I reach the stupid tea? It's just tea. . . .It's just cleaning. . . .It's just a minor delay. It's just . . .minor. 

Where once I would have continued to be frustrated, I'm sharing my lesson learned  through the outlet the Lord has provided. Instead of feeling wretchedly guilty that I'm not a good wife, mother, friend, daughter, I'll look to Him for grace to do what I need to do today. Even while writing this, I feel calmer and eager to see my friend in a short while. It doesn't hurt that I'll get in some cute, twin snuggles later today, either. 

Is it a perfect day? No, no, it's not. Is it an awful day? Yes, partly it is. Is it a day to be defeated? No! I don't have to enjoy the struggles and frustration. But, I can sure learn lessons from these struggles and any others that come my way today. Will I cry again today? Maybe, maybe not. But that's another outlet the Lord has me use now, so no big deal.

It's Grace, folks. Not guilt. It's lessons learned, and forgotten and learned again. It's crying, and laughing, and helping, and loving and apologizing and whatever it needs to be to serve Him.

Besides, I actually like coffee better. And I CAN reach that. 

Parked in, but okay with it. Sorry I groused.

Teapotjan