Abuse Within the IFB Bubble

Below find a link to the personal testimony of a brave lady who suffered abuse with the IFB system. She now shares how she struggled and survives. Please take the time to read her story. This kind of thing must end.

A Personal Story of Abuse from Wendy Terrado

Time Flies Whether You're Having Fun or Not

Life goes by very quickly, as most of you know. I've often wondered how long days can turn into short years, and how a week can fly by and turn into six months. The relativity of time amazes me. And it baffles me, too.

That said, my family and I have had an eventful year. Part of it wonderful, and part of it agonizing, and all of it tempered with love, tears, and grace. And most of all it was FAST! My life train and personal plans and this blog and my art life have all been derailed several times, and attempts to put it back on track only partially successfully. By far, the biggest blessing was this young lady, my granddaughter Madeline. All the things they say about being a grandparent are more than true. When your baby has a baby. . . it's just too sweet and precious for words.

I am going to post this and another blog entry together. This one to say that hopefully, I am returning to regular posting, and another to share another blogger's post concerning the issue of abuse. The entries I will share specifically deal with a victim speaking out and bravely sharing her tragic story.

Serve God, love others.
Teapotjan, Grandma!

Abuse and a Friend

First, I have been pondering many issues, and knew that I had much to share. That's what brought me back to my blog. So many people hurt. They feel alone. They are intimidated by big scholarly books, and they need down to earth advice and help. That is why I answered the Teapot's whistle. It is my ministry, and part of my calling. It scares and humbles me that people actually read my words, so I pray for wisdom. I share in order to serve God and love others, and I do not want to bring reproach to my Lord. I welcome your prayers, suggestions, and questions.

A while back I wrote a blog called Better Than I Deserve. After some thinking about that phrase, common in many Christian groups, I came to the conclusion that this response might not be particularly accurate. But let me say that I understand what the person stating it means, and I find no fault in anyone who uses it. 

This issue came up again when a dear, dear friend asked me if I thought it was okay escape an abusive relationship. Case in point: if a close friend/partner continually ignores and emotionally abuses you, failing to respond to requests for counsel or help, should you break completely and permanently away though it causes them great, and damaging emotional pain? Would God be okay with that? Is it okay to seek happiness after the break? Should you feel overwhelmingly guilty? 

With my big "F" Fundamentalist background along with my people-pleasing personality, my answer a few years ago would have been a resounding "NO!" I would have counseled the hurt party to pray for patience, and stick it out in the name of putting someone else first. After all, we are taught to always put others first. But, it struck me wrong that God would want one of His children to suffer at the hand of another.

I have searched for verses that apply to abusive relationships. What I have found is that most of them refer to how or how not the relationship reflects Christ's love for the Church. In fact, Jeremiah 3:8 speaks of how God "divorced" Israel because they had broken the covenant or vow He had with them. It's there, go read it if you don't believe me. A broken vow can be repaired, but if the one who broke it refuses the repair, then the vow no longer stands. It's an easy choice for many when adultery or physical abuse breaks the vow. But verbal abuse seems an unlikely reason to divorce or break a partnership to anyone who never experienced it. Those who have suffered from emotional abuse know better. But that's another blog entry.

Suffice it to say, that emotional abuse leaves scars and open wounds that often never heal. PTSD comes not so much from the physical abuse a victim suffers, but rather, the emotional harm and devaluation of their humanity the abuse caused. So abuse of any kind lingers with the victim emotionally long after the incident passes. 

I hate reading long posts, so I will stop with this: There is NO VERSE or teaching in the Bible that says a person must stay in an abusive relationship. Next, we'll talk about the aftermath of the break.

Praying for wisdom, grace, and peace.
Teapotjan

Heeding the Whistle

It has been close to a year since I ended a second post at the door of my van after a long, dark walk from the front entrance building at Bob Jones University. It has been a very rough year, not just for me, but for many of my close friends. After an email from a very dear friend, I knew it was time to take the teapot off the stove, and quiet the whistle once again.

First, I need to finish what happened at the end of the walk I discussed months ago in Teapot's Long Walk and A Teapot in the Dark. I'd love to say that I'm all healed, but it wouldn't be true. This world has become darker with mass shootings, hate crimes, and general malaise and selfishness among its inhabitants. And many of God's people have ignored the deep needs of those around them, and substituted "I'll pray for you" in place of love and service.

I came to my van that day in August 2011 with a broken heart, a betrayed trust, and little, if any, faith in God. I had always been the good girl, people-pleaser I was expected to be as taught throughout my life in church, school and home. But when I began to stand up against unequal treatment, and wrong-doing that I knew existed, I was harassed, and even worse----ignored. That was not supposed to happen in a Christian environment to one of God's children who worked so hard to do right. So, as you see in those posts mentioned above, the foundation of who I was, and all the facets of my life crumbled leaving a dark, Godless void.

The good news is that my faith returned.I didn't completely dismiss God as some understandably do. I can only credit the grace of God for that. It was not of my own doing, because I was ready to ditch everything I had believed. Though, thinking about it, I actually did. But the Holy Spirit within me helped me build a new foundation of brick formed of grace and bonded with love for others. My perspective of others began to change from the "us versus them" viewpoint of non-Christians to just "us;"  made in His image and deeply loved by God.

My new foundation is a work in progress as am I. I still wind up chucking a brick or two into the abyss of non-belief and depression. But what remains is stable enough to keep me grounded. Each brick formed of grace is not based on what I learned from man, but from my personal relationship with God.

My beliefs, my thoughts, my sins, God's love.

My next post will be all about that shrieking teapot, and what it is calling me to do. 

Serve God! Love Others!

Teapotjan

A Teapot in the Dark

In my last regular post, I ended again with that long walk to my van. Faith gone. Disillusioned. Crying. Frightened. In spite of the bright August sun, I was in the dark. I didn't know anyone or anyplace I could look for guidance. All of my regular sources bore the stench of betrayal, and I turned inward.

I feebly attempted to appear happy. It was nice to stay at home, but I grew restless quickly. I tried to make up for the loss of income by clipping coupons, and looking for deals. And I learned that I HATED clipping coupons. (Seriously, still do). I started working fervently on a wedding for a friend, and that became a welcome distraction, but I still felt sick at heart, and numb. Numb, at least until the realization of what had happened in a place that I had loved and defended for years washed over me. So I capitulated between disinterest, empty euphoria, and tears. 

I had a health issue that had grown worse during the year or so before that made my emotions all the more volatile. After a falling out with the bride I was helping, I turned over all the work I had done, and was not able to see the fruits of my labor at the wedding. And, honestly, the dark got even darker. And I was bitter, bitter, bitter, and so sad. God had deserted me. I was sure of this. And Satan whispered often to me that I was of no worth, and that God was distant and uncaring.

There were many conversations with acquaintances that ended in "If you could just pray and find a good church, you will be so much better." At that point they might have well told me to slather my self in syrup and stand on ant hill. Prayers ended in tears and bitterness, and church services? They turned my stomach. "All these stupid people gobbling this stuff up. What have they done differently than me? Just wait. You'll all find out just how futile all of this is." This inner monologue went on and on. I am still grateful that no one could read my mind. It all just. . . . hurt, both physically and mentally.

It would be a wonderful thing to say that all of this is now resolved, and that every, single day I am a happy, giddy Christian flitting about Greenville with wings strengthened by God's grace, but that's a lie. Many days are still dark. The story of my dark times continues, but I will soon share what God does for a sad, short, stout gal who has lost her faith, and trust.

Even as I write this, my heart heaves with a recent, new hurt, and my emotional state is, let's say "fragile." (Goodness-I do seem to cry in some way with every single emotion. I am soooo not a Vulcan). I struggle with a loss of support from someone close to me. I know that God sent that person along to help me during the dark times after leaving Bob Jones. But, for now, due to a transgression on my part, that support is gone, and I'm not sure I will ever gain it back. 

I say that not to discourage, but to share a lesson I am learning right now, in this moment. Because God did bring me through those dark times before, and

He did show me the light even when I tried to close my eyes tight and turn away, I know that He is still there. He does still care. I know what my heart wants, but I am willing to follow Him, even if it pulls me away from people very dear to me. No, I don't want that to happen. Not. At. All. But God sees all, and He will provide what I need. He is never the problem. It's me. But, He loves me anyway. That's pretty amazing. 

So, my plan in my next post is to share a few more details of my lessons learned, and how God works in those details.

Prayers for all of you.

Serve God. Love others.

Teapotjan