Teapot's Tremendous, Terrible Year in Review. Part One

I'm not one for New Year's resolutions, but I do believe in goals. Not that I'm good at setting them, but I think they are important. Seriously. Maybe I show set a goal of improving my method of setting goals, but . . . .

Anyway, I do plan on blogging more consistently, even in the face of upheaval and change. Blogging helps the tempest in the teapot not grow to hurricane proportions, and maybe I can continue to help and bless people as I go.

Onward to the year in review! 
2013 contained a lot of happiness, disappointments, and general suckiness. I'm thrilled to kiss it goodbye soon. But, even while I go through its last days and think back, there isn't much I would change. That's hard to say really, but I wouldn't have learned the lessons I have learned, met the people I met, and grown the way I have grown without some of that said suckiness. 

January started out pretty well. But we had to pull my daughter from regular school because of her chronic nerve disorder. She missed her friends. She still hurt. She hates doctors appointments. And we learned that we are TERRIBLE at homeschooling. Remember that whole goal setting problem I have?. . . well apparently, it's genetic. 

February held its own challenges at work. My supervisor did not think I was doing my job well, so it was requested that I go to three weeks of classes about 2 hours aways from home. I enjoyed the classes. Made some very good friends, and did well in all of my scores. One of the connections I made allowed me to help with a project that brought me great satisfaction. What those classes did not help was the view that my supervisor had of my job performance.

March. I was disliking the long hours at work, and the seemingly endless things I was doing wrong. I was growing more and more depressed and working harder and harder, but I believe I was attempting this in my own strength. After a particularly candid visit with a friend I starting blogging at her suggestion that it would help. She was right.

April. Oh, sweet April. I posted my first blog entry in April. I've been reading back through some of those entries. I relived some of the emotions, and I bow my head and thank God that I have made it to the end of this year without any time in jail. I'm being facetious of course, but let's just say God and my family had to be patient. The number of issues I had at work seemed to decrease, but the strain of the hours, my daughter's pain, and an overcrowded house taught me some thing about myself that I didn't like. But God was good, and I grew closer to Him.

May marked my final month at my job. In spite of asking how to improve, and receiving satisfactory answers, etc. I still did not live up to my supervisor's expectations, and the month ended with me resigning that job at their request. If you know me even a little, you know I cried. My pride was hurt, and my wallet was suicidal. I know other things happened, but even now, that resignation overshadows my joy in anything in that month.

June brought relief in some areas and more stress in others. I was out of a job, but I enjoyed the free time to help others. I started trying to work on my art. My husband, baffled by my tears, confused by my complicated personality that had elevated me to delirious highs only to send me plummeting into aforementioned tears, worked to support my dream of becoming an artist and having a studio. But as hard as he tried, that old, suicidal wallet held back much of what he could do. However, as I will explain in the near future, God did not desert me or my family.

That's enough for one sitting. I have much more to share. Please pray that I will keep reaching for my current goal of consistent blogging. And if you have any comments or suggestions, please share either in the comments or by email, or on Facebook.

Thanks for reading. Stay tuned for part two. Spoiler alert! God is Still GREAT.

Looking back and looking up!
Teapotjan

Steaming Up

This weekend brings a new opportunity, and an old anxiety. I have tickets to the Upstate Steampunk Meet and Greet Convention in Anderson. I love the aesthetics of victorian steampunk, along with the ingenuity of many of its followers. The essence of steampunk involves individuality, and style along the lines of victorian sensibilities. I have suitable attire almost ready, and relish the thought of seeing other people's outfits and creations.

The anxiety? I am, after all, an introvert. Yes, I love to engage strangers in conversation, and I love people. But crowds intimidate and drain me, and crowds of strangers in costume with great mental capabilities and possible pagan and agnostic leanings? Scary. But . . . .

I see it as a chance to meet people further out of the Bubble. To be a witness. To show that those who follow Christ can and should embrace creativity and individuality as a gift from Him. But I am still just a bit freaked out. Sigh.

Prayers appreciated. I am attending for pleasure, and maybe some business. I hope that some will appreciate my quirky art, and want to see more. I am also attending to grow, and growth can be scary.

Steam On!
Teapotjan

Blue Teapot under a Black Cloud

Well, the last couple of weeks have proven to be . . . interesting. . . and full of life's lessons. Often, I wish I could go ahead and learn everything I need to know so the lessons would end, but I don't think that's how it works. So, ONWARD!

My last post concerning medication brought up comments from several people in my email feed, and private messaging. The comment from "anonymous" stirred up people more that I would have thought. Please know that I was not upset. That person obviously cares enough to want to help, and I welcome opinions other than my own. Isn't that how we learn and grow? We exhort, we listen, we measure against God's standards, apply as appropriate and move forward.

That said, I believe that the kind person that left the comment has never experienced the type of depression I was addressing: clinical depression. In no way do I want to attack that person. I know many folks who feel the same way, and it those people I want to address.

Here is a link to an article discussing the difference between feeling sad due to circumstances and being perpetually depressed: Is it Depression or is it the Blues?. EVERYONE gets the blues. (Hmm, that should be a song or something). An accident, a severe loss, or a bad day, along with many other things can bring about a case of the blues. However, most people bounce back with the passage of time. The blues can lead to the type of depression the commenter was addressing, especially if we turn from God during difficult times, but it is not clinical depression. Even then, I don't think just putting on a smile, and acting happy will solve the entire issue, though it can help. Maybe today's society should not toss medication at everyone in a funk so quickly. I do see fault in that. If someone is bogged down with a case of the blues, and it hinders their service to God, they should get counseling from a reliable, biblically-based source. Medication can not fix a spiritual problem, but many use it as an excuse for sin. Satan will use any weakness to hinder us, and he won't hesitate to attack when we are down. In these cases, we must examine our attitude, and heart for God.

But there are millions that experience true, can't-get-it-to-stay-away, clinical depression. A blood test (and recently it has been discovered,a CAT scan of the brain) can confirm that an individual's depression is a physical condition needing medical treatment. I confess, that as I sit here and write these words, I am dealing with that black cloud hovering over my head. I sit here knowing that God is in control, knowing that He loves me, actively engaged in intercessory prayer for a few particular individuals, praising God for His creation, and pondering Scriptures recently read. But, I feel depressed, with a small side of hopelessness. However, since I know that I suffer from a medical condition, I can ignore the cloud while acknowledging its existence, and continue to serve God. 

My youngest suffers from a chronic nerve disorder that causes constant and often severe pain in one of her legs. If you see her, you will see no signs of trauma, and she doesn't appear to be in pain most of the time. She takes medication to help control the pain, but it is never truly gone. We have been to several doctors, and she has gone through many treatments. During that time she learned what medical condition caused the pain, and is now able to mostly ignore it while still having to acknowledge that it's there. Sound familiar? She could give in to the pain and let it run her life, but God allowed us to find doctors and medicines that could help her. She looks to Him for help, and she is a sweet, and faithful Christian. I am very proud of her. But her pain still persists. If we had not sought help and treatment, I think she would now be completely crippled from the pain.

Everyone feels sad or depressed from time to time. It's a natural response to adverse circumstances. During those times, we must look to God for grace realizing He controls all things. 

Other folks suffer from a medical condition known as "clinical depression." My hopes and goals in all of this?

1. To help those folks realize that they need assistance, and to encourage them to seek it without feeling embarrassed or ashamed. Once they know why it's there, they can learn to acknowledge and ignore their hovering dark cloud and carry on with life. 
2. To help others, like the commenter, to realize that not all depression is     equal. Believe me, telling a clinically depressed person to smile and act     happy is like telling someone with undiagnosed pain to "walk it off." The statement is well-intentioned, but it will cause more harm than good.
3. To use my experiences with my own depression to uplift others and point   them to the Great Healer. He allowed me to suffer with this condition in     order for me to honor Him with the lessons I've learned. I want to do that with all my heart.

No more guilt folks, only repentance. Those who fully understand His grace and love desire to serve and honor Him. He knew us from the edge of time, and He provides a way through the darkest of clouds, and the deepest of blues.

Happy Depression Sufferer, medicated, and still serving Him!
Teapotjan

Steady As She Goes, the Medicated Teapot

On this journey from guilt to grace, I still find myself going backwards from time to time. The biggest cause for reversal? My guilt about suffering from depression. My fellow sufferers understand that we feel badly about being depressed, and we worry about how it looks to other people, and we ponder our lot in life, and then we get-well-more depressed. It's a vicious cycle, and I doubt that I will be able to completely avoid this downward spiral until God gives me my glorified body.

A recent post from a sweet friend and fellow sufferer reminded me that we still look at mental illness as something we can control all on our own. Something that makes us ashamed. Something that makes others look down on us. Something to hide and deny, hoping that it will go away.

Well, guess what? It won't. Clinical depression is an illness. Just like diabetes. And cancer. It's an ILLNESS! Diabetes requires medication and treatment. Cancer requires medication and treatment. Depression requires medication and treatment. If left untreated, any of these could be fatal in one way or another.

So, my point? If you are clinically depressed, take the medicines prescribed. Learn ways to manage and treat your illness. But do NOT be ashamed. No, you don't have to broadcast that you have an issue. Just don't cower when someone finds out about it. It's not something anyone would wish on themselves anymore that we would wish for shingles. But it IS what God has for you, and He doesn't hand us anything we can't handle, even if that means taking meds, and getting counseling. Don't you think He gave people the knowledge to make those meds and give that counseling?

Please realize that I'm writing this to remind myself, as well as to encourage others. I'll take my medications as long as I need them, which will probably be for the rest of my life, just like a diabetic will need to take some form of insulin for the rest of theirs. Praise God for modern medicine and doctors! I'm thinking that if they didn't exist, I or someone dear to me would be dead from suicide or homicide--if you get my drift. So in addition to keeping my emotions level, I think my anti-depression medicines have saved lives. 

Medicated, and still on the path!
Teapotjan

Teapot's Shared Tempest. I'm not the only one.

Recently a friend posted a link to a blog entry that resounded deeply with me. Today, I share that link with you and add my own thoughts concerning the continuing process of moving from guilt to grace. Click here to see the article without my inserted comments.

               15 things not to say to a recovering fundamentalist

Posted on September 11, 2013 by forgedimagination

There have been plenty of things I’ve heard since I started talking about Christian fundamentalism, and most of them make me want to tear my hair out. So, I put out a general call for some of the gems you have heard, and here’s a few that I got back.

          1. “You just need to work through your bitterness.”– Teryn

Bitterness. It’s a good idea to pretty much never use that word in particular. Bitterness, in fundie-speak, is a tool to silence anyone who is being critical. If you’re accused of “bitterness,” it means that you are incapable of viewing any situation or person “correctly,” that you lack the capacity for love and grace, and what you actually need to work on is yourself. You’re imagining things, nothing bad is happening, and you have a screw loose. This is actually a form of gaslighting– convincing the person who’s being attacked that they’re just crazy– and we’ve been beaten over the head with it for years. Just because we’re saying things about the Church that aren’t pleasant doesn’t make us bitter. Just because we sound angry doesn’t mean we’re bitter.

I did suffer from bitterness for a while. It still crops up from time to time. But it is no longer the driving force behind my desire for change in the church. I was hurt, and when people I trusted questioned me, I doubted my self. But after reading God's Word for myself, and praying, I knew I was NOT crazy, and that the bitterness was fading.

          2. “Don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater.” – Lydia

There are a lot of variations on this one, but it all boils down to this idea that Christianity is fine, it’s really just our personal experiences that we have to get over. And, I get why this one comes up a lot. For Christians who haven’t experienced either a) fundamentalism or b) spiritual abuse, their religion is one of the best, most wonderful, spectacular things in their life and they couldn’t imagine living without it. For us, though? It’s not even remotely the same feeling. When Christianity has been the weapon used to beat you, sometimes, throwing the whole thing out is the only healthy thing left to do.

When the very people that told you to "do right until the stars fall" do wrong, and you are left with confusion and hurt. It's time for a change. You have to move away from what people did, and look to God. Otherwise, you may lose your faith entirely. Seriously, I can give names of many who have.

         3. “You were never really a Christian.” — Libby Anne

It’s the teachings of “eternal security” and “by their fruits you shall know them” taken one step too far. And, frankly, it’s codswallop. By any measure, people who grew up in Christian fundamentalism, prayed the sinner’s prayer, loved God, loved Jesus . . . they were Christians any way you look at it. Just because they’re not Christians now has absolutely zero bearing on if they were Christians then. The same thing goes if they don’t fit your particular criteria for what you think a “Christian” is.

I find this one infuriating. I am secure in my faith. More now than ever, because it is not based on man's teachings, but on my personal relationship with Christ and His Grace. Seriously, people who think all Christians worship and serve Christ the same have never considered their brothers and sisters in other lands, and in other denominations. 

          4. “If you’re not currently attending a church, you have walked away from God.” — KR Taylor

People usually come to me armed with Hebrews 10:25 — “forsake not the assembling of yourselves together,” which is really just code for “real Christians go to church.” Which, seriously, asking some of us to go back to church is like asking a soldier with severe PTSD to go back to the battlefield, or asking a battered wife to go back to her abusive husband. You’re telling us that the only way we can be a “True Christian” is if we go to a building where all the other “True Christians” are once a week, and aside from sounding ridiculous, it’s inconsiderate and displays an astounding lack of compassion. If you’re telling someone who you know has been spiritually abused to get their ass back in church, all it means is that you haven’t been actually listening to us. If you were listening, you’d know exactly how hurtful and dismissive you sound.

This is the one I have heard the most. I cannot count the times I've walked into church in the last two years and encountered complete heebie jeebies. There were good, sweet people there with precious souls, and loving hearts, but the atmosphere and the music and the sent me to bad times. I'm not saying I will never go to church again. But it will still be a while longer. Don't worry. I have not left the faith. I truly love God. I have accountability with other believers. And I would appreciate your prayers for guidance, but not so much your invitations. We're still good in grace though-right?

          5. “You need to work this out with trembling and fear.” — Dani

Also known as, “Are you sure you want to be asking these questions?” Questions, in many arenas of Christianity, make a lot of us uncomfortable. The unfortunate thing that I’ve encountered the most is that I grew up understanding more about the God of the Old Testament than a lot of “typical” Christians I’ve encountered since getting outside of fundamentalism. Questions like “is God really a genocidal megalomaniac?” or “How is it fair or loving to hold millions of people accountable for something they’ve never heard of?” are legitimate, but they’re also not easy. As fundamentalists, we tend to be intimately familiar with an angry, jealous, righteous God, and trying to figure out how that’s the same Person that is also supposed to be Love is hard. Beyond hard, at times. It’s downright impossible for many of us.

This one may affect you more than me. I'm a bit of an egghead, and I enjoy asking questions about almost anything. But, because I look to God for the ultimate answers, this is not that hard for me. He is God. He can do what He wants. He knows the big plan. He is absolutely fair, and perfect and powerful. That's not to say this issue won't creep up in my future, but for now, I'm good.

          6. “I wish people just knew that if they remembered how good Jesus’ love for us is, these things wouldn’t seem so hard!” — Hännah

This one feels . . . empty. I’m super happy for all those people who have had amazing experiences with Jesus in their religion, but how good God or Jesus is doesn’t really change the fact that a lot of people’s lives are hell holes or that a lot of people who claim Jesus’ name have done some heinously evil things. And telling us just to ignore our “hardships” because “Jesus loves you!” is basically meaningless. It’s like splashing orange juice on a bullet wound. Sure, orange juice is awesome, and Vitamin C is good for you, but it’s not going to do anything to help.

Jesus is goodness. Humans are fallen. We live in a fallen Creation. There are spiritual battles all around us, some seen, some not seen. It is NOT fun to suffer. I will NOT praise God for the pain. I WILL praise Him for the Grace He provides and the lessons I learn during trials. I will use those lessons to point others to Him. And I will tell them that they do not have to be happy about their hardships, but they that can be happy that this is not all that we have.

          7. “Why do you have to criticize the Church? Do you hate Christians?” — Boze

Probably more than a lot of these, this one makes me want to tear my hair out and beat my head against the wall. I think this is another example of the Christian persecution complex gone crazy.  There’s this perception that Christianity is under constant, brutal attack on all fronts, and it’s a battle we’re all gloriously and nobly fighting, but it’s going to overwhelm us at some point and then everything will be terrible. This results in any form of criticism whatsoever being perceived as an “attack.” If what we have to say about the Church isn’t all happy-happy-joy-joy, then we should just stay quiet because we’re just making Christianity look bad. To ex-fundamentalists, this is a line we’re more than familiar with. Defending the reputation of the organization at the cost of actual people is a line we know by heart.

Argh, and double argh. God is perfect. The Church is not. If we can't observe, and "criticize" then what is the use of these thinking, speculative minds God blessed us with and wants us to use? I think God can take care of His own reputation.

          8. Quoting Jeremiah 29:11. Or Romans 8:28. Or pretty much any hand-picked verse about God working everything out. — Abi

Proof-texting. If there’s one thing that a lot of Christians, but fundamentalists in particular, are exceedingly good at, it’s this. Most of the pastors and preachers I’ve heard are the Kings of Taking Verses out of Context and Making it Sound Good. First of all, using verses like Jeremiah 29:11 (“I know the plans I have for you”) is bad hermeneutics.  Also, throwing single verses at us isn’t very helpful, and is really just frustrating. When Bible verses enter the conversation like this, it usually means that whoever we’re talking to is done listening, and they’ve decided the most helpful thing they can do is use a trite cliché we’ve heard exactly 164,455,795 times before.

I prefer hearing, "I know these things are hard. Aren't you glad God is in charge, and not us?"

          9. “You’re hurting the church. We need unity, not division.”

If I had a nickle.

It’s related to the “do you hate Christians?” comment, but this one is specifically an order to shut up and color. Criticisms of Christianity are not sowing division, just to be clear. There are all kinds of things that sow division– like telling the people in Moore, OK that they should be grateful that God deigned to destroy their homes, or covering up child molestation by pastors in your churches for over 30 years– but standing up for the broken isn’t one of them.

As if their very words aren't sowing division among Christians.. . .Sigh.

          10. “I’m a/my church is fundamentalist, and I’m/we’re not anything like what you’re describing.”

I run into this sentiment a lot. In fact, when I put out my request for this on twitter, one of the people who responded said “I’m a fundamentalist. Please don’t throw stones.” Which, was just . . . ironically funny, but also made me sigh. I use the words fundamentalist and fundamentalism to talk about a specific Christian movement, and I use the accepted term to describe it. I know a lot of people who claim the label “fundamentalist”– in fact, one of my best and dearest friends does– who don’t actually fit. There is a difference between traditionalism, religious conservatism, and adhering to “fundamentals,” which is really just Protestant orthodoxy, and fundamentalism. I’m using the term as it is modernly defined.

However, there are a lot of people who are fundamentalist and fit exactly what I’m describing, and still say this. Which, just . . . boggles.

Boggled here as well. 

          11. “If you are truly seeking God in this time, he will lead you to the Truth.” — Trischa

And if I’m led to believing in universalism? Or atheism? Or neo-paganism? Somehow, I don’t think they’ll believe me, because “Truth” usually means “whatever I think the Bible says.” The catch in this statement is “If you are truly seeking.” And they get to determine what “truly seeking” entails. If I don’t eventually end up agreeing with them, welp, I must not have been truly seeking!

This is just stupid-sorry. It's like non-christians claiming that sincerity will get you to Heaven. Lots of people are "truly seeking." 

          12. “Fundamentalism isn’t really Christianity.”

Oh, boy. I get this one so much, and I’m never entirely sure how to respond to it, because damn. What do they think Christianity is then? It’s a pretty big religion, and it’s got an awful lot of denominations. If believing that Jesus is God, literally came to earth, was crucified and resurrected and now sits on the right hand of the father, and he did all of this to save us from our sins doesn’t qualify you for Christianity, I’d like to see what does. Fundamentalism is an especially pernicious sub-culture in Christianity, but it’s not something totally different. They believe a lot of the exact same stuff that most Christians do– which was a huge shock when I eventually figured that one out. But, they take the hard-edged stance that they’re the only true Christians. So, it’s always funny to me when a non-fundamentalist says the exact same thing a fundamentalist would say about them.

This isn't the real argument against Fundamentalism. It's the conditions that many Fundamentalists put on being a Christian.

          13. “Be careful you don’t lose your faith.” — Hännah

People are genuinely concerned about us, and just want to make sure that we’re ok. However, the concept that we could be “ok” without religion, without Christianity– it’s a little bit too far outside the box for a lot of Christians. To a lot of the people I know, living without their faith would be pretty unthinkable. Thoughts like “I don’t know how people survive without Jesus” (which is a modern remix of “you can do all things through Christ”) are pretty common among Christians– and they mean it. To be honest, I’ve said that sort of thing on more than one occasion. But, let me assure you: we are just fine. For a lot of us, “losing our faith” was the best– and hardest– thing that ever happened to us.

It can also be the scariest. When you begin to question those things you were taught were "rock-solid, Biblical fact" and learn that some of it is man's interpretation and preference, you may "lose" faith. But, if you have already accepted Christ, then the Holy Spirit will comfort and guide you, just as God's Word promises He will.

          14. “I’ll pray for you.” — Lana

And what they mean by this is “I hope God shows you exactly how wrong you are soon!” (Thanks to Angela). Also, please avoid this one. If there’s a more empty, meaningless phrase in all of Christianity, I’d like to hear it, because I’m pretty sure it doesn’t exist. When someone says something like this, what most recovering fundies hear is “I don’t care about your problems, I want to exit this conversation, and please don’t even mention the fact that you’ve had a bad experience to me ever again.”

Lolololol. I guess I'd rather hear this than get a stick in the eye.

          15. “Your critiques of Christianity aren’t valid, because you’re just confusing it with your fundamentalist background.”

And, for me, this is the one that makes me want to rage-stomp. Because yes, my background was pretty bad. Yes, the church I grew up in was pretty crazy. Yes, the easiest way I have of describing my experience is by calling the whole thing a cult.

However, fundamentalism is really just a microcosm of Christianity in general. It’s not that there’s anything about fundamentalism that is super off-the-radar crazy that makes it obviously bad. All it is, really, is a concentrated version of Christianity. Think of every single thing you’ve ever run into at your completely normal, run-of-the-mill Protestant churches, and I guarantee you that you’ll find it in a fundamentalist church. They’re not different, really, they’re just intensified.Because of that, my background makes me more qualified to speak about some issues, because I have more experience with more aspects of it than your typical church-goer. I actually know what some of these teachings do when they’re consistently enforced.

Yes, I agree. When God allows one of His children to reach this place of understanding, when the blinders fall off, and we see God's people and the church for what it really is, it is HARD!!!!!!! And we are often tempted to ooze back into the easy, soft world of complacency and compliance. But, as I have said before, I cannot. God brought me here. He gave me this understanding. I will praise Him from my home, my car, the beach, the stores, at work, at play, because I see Him for the wonderful, awesome, Gracious God that He is. I don't need bumper stickers, certain clothes, hairstyles or a denomination to show that I love God. The very air I breath is His gift, and I will use it to tell others about Him!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And . . . that wraps it up for me. What about you? What are some things you’ve heard that just make you go crazy?

I ask, along with this article's author, do you have any thoughts to share? I'll take it from both sides.

Still on the journey,

Teapotjan

As Time Goes By

I often say that it is amazing how long days can turn into such short weeks, months, and years. I can't believe how little I have posted of late, and if you could see me, you would know that I'm hanging my head in shame. So, before I get to real writing, let me share my excuse for being in absentia.

Since I left my full-time job, I've been working to start up a studio/business in order to sell some of my creations. Thing is, I have to have creations in order to sell them. I have the opportunity to be a vendor at a craft/art show on September 21, and wanting to make money and a name for myself, I've been working rather feverishly on several art projects. Life gets in the way, and as it would, I also have surgery schedule during this month. Frantic? Yes. Skilled in every aspect needed to complete all the creations popping up in my head? No. So long days actually feel short right now, and the month seems even shorter. But, hey, I'm up for the challenge, and if I go longer than a month without posting, you might want to check on me. :0D

Now, on to the real post: As Time Goes By. I've been considering my life along with the life of my husband, and many of our friends. Some people I have know for decades and decades, and I find myself comparing the younger them to the older them. What I have found in my casual ponderings? For the most part, people's basic personalities really do not change. Instead, they intensify. We may mellow a bit, and make wiser decisions, but we are driven more and more by our individual personalities and the choices our personalities dictate as we grow older. Think about one of your elderly friends. What do their wrinkles, countenance and actions say about their lives? I've seen older folks whose faces have frozen into that look one gets when they smell something bad. I saw an elderly lady this week who apparently spent her life smirking. And I know several Godly saints whose faces reveal a life of laughter, and faith.

Why post about it? It seems so obvious. But, it's the older me that sees it as obvious. My children and their friends don't see it, really. They know me only as a grownup. They don't know the person I was before they came along. And my children do not realize what a younger person's personality traits can bode for the future. My acquaintances from childhood turned out pretty much the way everyone expected with a few exceptions, and those fulfilled expectations prompted this post.

We all pray that our children will find the perfect spouse. Unfortunately, to get to that point, many of them . . . date. It's not my favorite concept to be honest, and if I could arrange marriages for each of them, well . . . you know.
However, most young people find themselves dating and that where this time intensifies personality comes in to play.

I know a young teen couple in a relationship currently. And something is bothering me. She is sweet, smart, pretty and comes from a loving family. She's the kind of girl a mother wants her son to date. The guy she is dating? He goes to church. He is in good favor with the girl's parents. He's nice looking, and smart. He also treats the things important to her as optional, while his agenda takes precedence. And he consistently walks away when he becomes uncomfortable, and returns later to complain to her about whomever or whatever made him upset. Does he hit her? No. But is the potential there? Yes, yes, yes. 

There are too many stories of domestic abuse in our circles. There are too many abused spouses and children. There are too many eyes turned away from obvious issues that can lead to those stories, and those broken hearts.

Look over your children's relationships. Share what you see in their friends. Let them know the early signs of an abusive relationship. Tell them that personality problems rarely get better and usually intensify. If you see problems, don't turn away because it's hard and . . . you don't want to be seen as an "old fogey" or "old-fashioned." I'd rather suffer through a bucket of eye rolls, and be labeled as a nosey mom for life than to see my child in an abusive relationship.

If you would like to share some of the early signs you've noticed that lead to abusive relationships, please leave a comment. I'd like to compile a list of real-life, personally observed signs to share with young people going into the world of dating. In this journey to Grace, I want to help as many as I can live a fulfilling, happy life. God, help me not only to uncover abuse and help the victims, but to work to prevent abuse in any way You make possible for me.

Looking up,
Teapotjan

The Times, They are A-Changing

Today I celebrate the third anniversary of my 49th birthday. While I don't enjoy the physical changes that age brings about, I do embrace the lessons that the years have brought my way. It would be nice to be 25 again, but only if I could take my current brain with me. I look back at the 25 year old me, and think about how clueless I was and shudder at some of the things I thought and did. I firmly believe that God brings circumstances good and bad to change us into His image, and since I've already done so much growing, I don't want to repeat those lessons that were difficult to learn.

Also, this past weekend, my oldest child moved into her own apartment. She's not very far away, but as any parent with older kids knows, it's not the same when a child pays their own electric bill. I'm sad and glad all at the same time. You know, all bittersweet and stuff. In addition, we placed a ridiculously low offer on a nearby duplex, and it was accepted! So, we are on our way to being landlords. This is something we had been trying to do for quite a while but things had not fallen into place. Then, suddenly during this time of change, the Lord provided financing, downpayment, and legal options that made the purchase possible. And today, my youngest child started a new online school, Connections Academy. How's that for a lot to happen in a week?

My last post, "Nice Guys Finish Last?," drew some interesting comments both here and in personal messaging. Please remember that my blog acts as an outlet, and hopefully as a help to those experiencing some of the same things. The people in the incident I mentioned are still dear to me, and I certainly forgive them. But to forget what happened would leave me vulnerable to repeating the mistake. Maybe that's a good subject for another post soon. 

So, that's it for now. As things begin to calm down, I'll post more. I have a lot I have been pondering and want to share, but the timing and the Spirit just have not met up just yet. 

Changing, and learning,
Teapotjan

Nice Guys Finish Last?

Being raised in a Christian home in the South by kind and loving parents formed me into what most people consider a "very nice person." God gave me the gift of empathy, and I love trying to help people try to live a happier life by supporting them and giving counsel when necessary.

This sounds great, doesn't it? "How Christ-like. How generous. How very nice you are," people tell me. I don't help people for praise or for anything in return. I do it because God gave me this gift and attitude and I want to serve Him by using it. At least that's what I like to think. 

The problem comes because most people are not nice. People in general are suspicious of those who are nice, thinking that they must have some hidden agenda that drives their actions. Even in Christian circles those who are incredibly helpful received the labels of "kiss-ups," "do-gooder," or "opportunist," among other things. The current generation of young adults has become so jaded by the "it's all about me" syndrome, that the help of others becomes an intrusion, or an insult to their individuality.

In the last few days, what started as a prayerful attempt to bring resolution to a situation between mutual acquaintances, and to find an answer to a pressing need in my own life and home, was labeled as a rude intrusion. And I found that my offer of help in the future would not be needed and they would seek a neutral party if the need should ever arise.

Because I had worked at being neutral, and had prayerfully initiated a meeting that I attended with great discomfort, I was flabbergasted! Actually, I still am. I had seen an issue. The issue affected people around me, my new business, and my home. I needed information, not gossip, or opinion, so I did what I know is right. I went to the source to get the information, and offered to mediate or help in the future. While I didn't get the answer I wanted, I honestly respected the person's decision, and consider it closed. 

The point of this post? To tell you that on this earth, nice people do finish last. At least in the perspective of the temporary. My initial reaction to this whole situation? I planned to NEVER help anyone but my very closest, most trusted friends again. Ever. Done with helping young people. Done with going out of my to help or offer assistance. Done dealing with the emotional baggage others carry. Done. Finished. Retired. Over it. Me, myself, and mine, that's it.

My feelings after a couple of days? I've learned my lesson: Nice people do finish last on this earth. They often get overlooked, walked on, questioned, and labeled. But when a "nice" person faces Christ and has their actions judged by the Savior, those things questioned by other people, but done in the name of Christ will endure the fires of judgement, and will indeed be the things that LAST. Those difficult tasks completed in the name of Christ become trophies to throw at His feet, and I'll take my LAST place in His light for eternity.

Will I still help people? Yes. Will I jump in as readily? Maybe not. In the last two years, I've been twice burned after two huge investments of time, money, and emotion. Can we learn from every situation? Yes, and it seems that we learn more from the bad ones. 

So, here I sit in last place, stinging, and hurt, but hopeful. Hopeful that I'll get to see resolution and growth in the people I help, and hopeful for His soon coming.

Looking to the finish line with hope and faith,

Teapotjan

Looking Past the Differences

All differences aside, I weep tonight for the Phelps family. Chad Phelps and his wife met their Savior this afternoon after a fatal accident on an off ramp barely a mile from their church and home. Many know his father, Chuck Phelps, from the Tina Anderson abuse story and the subsequent trial and ramifications.

I do not claim to know for certain if Pastor Phelps' actions during that time were right or wrong. But I do know that I have a Christian brother suffering one of the greatest hurts a human can face, the loss of a child. My prayers are with him, his family, and his church.

May God be glorified in this tragedy. May God give grace abundantly to those seeking His face. May God have mercy on any of us who cannot forget past problems long enough to lift up a fellow Christian before His throne.

In Grace,
Teapotjan

Facing Fears

Back at the end of June, and before the startling month of July, I wrote about the fear involved in leaving the familiar ways of Fundamentalism. As God often does, He used several circumstances to teach me more. As I do, I delved into a bit of depression, and doubt. July has been a long, hard month for one reason or another, but it has been a month of learning, change, crying, laughing, doubt, and assurance.

Since leaving my last job, I've encountered more extreme ups and downs on my emotional roller coaster than normal. The lack of my own personal income limits my monetary ability to give to foreign missions, but that lack also helps me find new ways to contribute. The lack of a scheduled job distracts me from achieving goals, but gives me the time needed when I am focused. And the lack of needed room in my home frustrates me, even while those causing it are precious to me. I have the opportunity to reach for a dream, but I have many obstacles to overcome before reaching it. And of course, during these ups and downs, that old feeling of fear and the longing for the familiar crept up on me at the worst of times. 

One of those fears? Confronting those for whom I feel responsible. Truly, I hate confrontation, but I often find myself needing to initiate it. The biggest problem with that? I can no longer fall back on the pat phrases and teachings of my earlier church days. "Because I said so" and "Because that's the ways it's always been," and "because that's what Dr.Nowayjose said" no longer cuts it. After thinking on my own, and having my mind opened by the Holy Spirit, I must seek out the true, biblical reason that supports my objection to an issue. Self-doubt rears up, but, if I approach the person, or persons with the right attitude and prayerfully confront them, a surprising thing happens: amazing truths come out of my mouth! Many times after a confrontation, I'm astounded at what I have said, and I realize that it was not me and my wisdom, but that of God. He brings things from His Word to my mind from a great sermon heard years ago. Or an illustration will pop up in my head that fits the situation perfectly, and I recall it like it happened the day before instead of in the 80's. This must be what the Bible refers to as being a vessel for God's use, and it is a gift and a blessing when it happens. God requests me do something that I hate and fear, and then uses it to bless me when I obey! 

Next post, another fear. In the meantime, I would appreciate prayers for strength and motivation. I am starting up an art studio, but I have several obstacles as I mentioned. My plan is to use the money made not only to help support my family, but to help further the Gospel. It is my heart's desire to use the creative gift God gave me to His Glory.

Full Steam Ahead!

Teapotjan

Got Faith?

"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." Hebrews 11:1

In God's infinite wisdom and in His desire for a creature that would love Him by choice, faith and the choice to have faith in our Creator becomes the ultimate definition of humankind.

Many times I have heard the popular "God said it, I believe it, that settles it." Ultimately that is truth. We can even leave out the "I believe it" part and the statement is still truth. Such a simple saying, and yet, the human heart and psyche are anything but simple.

I have a friend who is struggling with some terrible issues. To be honest, I have many friends who are struggling with one terrible thing or another. I'm in the midst of an oppressive struggle even now. I have faith. I believe in God's faithfulness, and its substance. But, as a human with human needs, I long for actual physical arms to wrap around me, hold me close, and tell me with complete knowledge and power that everything will work out and all will be well on this earth and soon. 

For now, those arms manifest only in faith, and for now, the darkness of my spirit and the tears in my eyes make that manifestation pretty hard to see. It is these darkest of times when our faith grows weak that we need it the most. But, guess what? We don't need much faith at all to get past the dark times. Matthew 17:20 tells us that our faith need be no bigger than a mustard seed. I once had a bracelet charm with that verse and a mustard seed on it. That seed was no larger than the head of a pin.

In God's infinite wisdom and in His desire for a creature that would love Him by choice, faith and the choice to have faith in our Creator becomes the ultimate definition of humankind. And because He understands His creation, and its frailty, He requires only a little small bit of faith to please Him. Just a little, bitty bit of faith in a God that made all of creation sweeping the skies with His hands and scattering the planets and stars with His fingertips is all He requires to help us move through our struggles and live with Him in eternity.

Are there people with bigger faiths? Yes. Are there times when our faith will be larger? Probably. But the sweetest thing to me? That in our darkest, teary-eyed, want to die, or sleep or give up forever times, all He needs is that tiniest bit of faith to give us the comfort of Heaven and eternity.

Thinking that's a pretty good deal,
Teapotjan

God's Very Own Teapot

Change happens. Sometimes it holds great promise and improves the lives of those experiencing it. Other times, it brings sorrow and distress. Rarely does it affect us in no way. And it almost always holds some aspect of fear, and anxiety even when it is change for the good.

One of the hardest things in my journey from guilt to grace has been the change. I have left old ways, and I am embracing new ones. But I spent the better portion of fifty years in those old ways. They are familiar and sometimes cozy, and well . . . . easier to handle because they are so familiar. I made only a few major decisions and left the rest to the leaders I had chosen to trust. Actually that trust in leaders was one of the decisions. They already had studied the Bible, they were in an authoritative position, and I could trust what they said with no question and apply it to my life and be a good Christian and be submissive and . . . go to Heaven based on what they taught. Right?????

Not really. Our relationship with God is personal. A biblical pastor's prayer during a service is not our own prayer. Our leaders do not speak to God for us, we must do that ourselves. He longs to hear OUR voices praise HIM. He uses Godly leaders to teach us, but He wants to have our hearts and our ears for Himself. We are God's very own. Each of us who believe Him. That just makes me shiver with delight.

So, as I realized that not all of the teaching I received was Biblical and might indeed have been only the personal opinion of a fellow sinner, I started on this rather frightening journey. The familiar landscape of fundamentalism fell away, and the narrow road of God's grace rose ahead of me in what seemed to be a glorious, but formidable and steep climb. I felt weak in my beliefs. I was unsure of what I actually did believe, and I wondered if I could truly break away. As I've said before, I've almost turned back several times. But that glorious road rising ahead and the warm light of God's grace shining on me, a sinner that He loved and wanted, beckoned me forward, and I can't look back.

Some of you are wanting to break away into the freedom of God's grace, but you are afraid of what your church friends will say, what your pastor will think, what your parents will do. You're right, this is scary. It really, truly is. We're human and most of us want to please others. But our main goal as Christians must be to please Him and develop our own relationship with Him. All those people must make their own personal decisions, and they may not like the path you chose, but if God is in this change, He will guide you. I would say "I promise" but I don't have to, because God already said that He promised.

If the Lord leads in some of my next few entries, I'll get into some of the specifics of things that frightened me as I have journeyed these last few years. Some are funny, some are considered controversial, and others are still, frankly, scary. Since I won't be perfect until I reach Heaven, I guess that's how it will be until then.

Look into your own heart, seek out wisdom from God's Word, talk with those who have started the journey before you and ask questions. It's okay to be frightened, but don't let fear keep you under cloud of guilt. When you're ready, come join me and others on this glorious high road to Heaven and grace.

Warming on the narrow way in the light of God's Grace,
Teapotjan

Steeping in the Scriptures

One of my closest friends shared a post earlier with me concerning how many pastors and leaders in churches tend to rehash old sermons and thoughts that they have had scribbled in their notes for years without revisiting the Scriptures sited and current applications.

Many lay persons, including me, do much the same. We live day in, day out applying principles learned months or years before, complacent in our practice. While I can't really authoritatively label this a sin, it is certainly a shame. God states that the Bible is the "Living Word" and that Christ is the Word (Jn. 1:1). I take this to mean that each time we look to Scripture for guidance we can apply it anew to the situation. Problem is many of us, particularly me, forget this and struggle needlessly to apply old solutions to new problems.

I know a few people who reach deep into Scripture. They have a certain peace and wisdom about them that can only come from God. There are others that may not reach as deeply, but they reach often and gain new knowledge for each new situation. They also possess a calmness, and eagerness for God's word. I know some dabblers as well, in fact many, many people I know may fall into this category. Actually, I think most of us dabble in the Scriptures from time to time applying what we want and kind of looking away from those things we don't want to deal with at that point.

Let's think about a tea bag and its uses. If a person buys a tea bag and never opens it, and never uses it for its purpose, they will never get tea from it. It won't help them grown strong, stay awake, and it won't really be anything to them. If that person takes the tea bag, opens it and kind of dabbles and dips it into water, they will get tea perhaps, but it will be very weak, and they may not feel like they've had any tea at all. Next we have a tea drinker that doesn't have time to let that bag steep for long, but they go back for another bag, and another, and another each time they want a cup of tea. It might not be super strong, but it is a steady supply of their favorite drink. Finally, we have the super steeper. They use the hottest of water, and the longest of time to steep that bag of tea.The tea bag gives all of its flavor to the tea, and the drinker savors the experience and plans to make the next cup the same and looks looks forward to yet another cup.

In our country, we have Bibles everywhere. We can stack them up. Download them. Upload favorite passages and toss about common stories that most people can at least reference, if not recite. But if those Bibles are never used, they might as well be doorstops, or computer glitches. If we reference Scripture only in stories, and give a nod to the literary value of a historic book, we have little or no knowledge of its power. Growth begins when we look often to the Living Word for wisdom and strength, even if we cannot spend hours at a time in its pages. We are still tapping the resource God gave us, and we will consistently be led by its words.

Finally, when we have the chance, we should steep ourselves in Scripture. Pastors, preachers, and counselors should always do this before sharing with others. Lay people should do it whenever they have the chance. God's word is rich and deep and living. He gave it to us in such a way that we can apply its principles in one way to our lives now, and in the future apply them again in a new way revealed to us as God sees our need. If more Christian leaders, and more Christians steeped in the Scripture, our churches would be stronger. Our testimonies would remain untarnished. It's hard for me to believe that a Christian steeped in the Scripture could have an affair, abuse another person, or willfully sin without immediate and fierce remorse.

Lord, I pray that you will call all of us to steep ourselves in your Word. Help us to bring our leaders and fellow Christians before your throne in prayer. Thank you for your Living Word. Thank you for grace. Thank you for your Son. Please bring reminders to our hearts and souls that you have provided the strength to go through trials, and answers to our questions through the Best of Books.

Trying to steep and not dabble,
Teapotjan 

Teapot's Resignation

For our boast is this, the testimony of our conscience, that we behaved in the world with simplicity and godly sincerity, not by earthly wisdom but by the grace of God. . . .that on the day of our Lord Jesus you will boast of us as we will boast of you. (2 Corinthians 1:12-14, ESV)

 I'm starting a new chapter in life. Due to circumstances I will not completely fathom until I reach Heaven, I no longer have a regular job. I spent the last two months or so at that job feeling like a square peg being pounded into a round hole, and I guess my employer saw the same thing. I left in good standing in character, but the consensus was that I did not "fit." Because of this, I was not fired, but rather allowed to resign. It truly could have been much worse.

Those of you who know me, or have read my blog probably already know my initial response. I cried. I also did not really experience all of the five stages of grief, but I did grieve. My pride suffered injury and is still recovering. The loss of income bears heavily upon me since we had a goal of becoming debt free in the next few years. And I became overwhelmed at the prospect of having to look for another job and source of income.

On the up side, some of my friends immediately contacted me, and wanted to catch up on some of the changes we had gone through in the last few years or so. I've had some great conversations, and brought away from all of this a renewed appreciation for Godly friends. I'll have another post soon about the value of that shortly.

But today, I want to consider the verses I placed at the start of this entry. I mentioned that I left my job with a good standing in character. Even those who felt I did not fit felt that I was a loving and caring person. I don't say that to boast of myself, but of the gift God gave me and of His continuing work of sanctification in my life. I had opportunity to share the Gospel with some of my coworkers, and I prayed each day for help to glorify God in my actions and speech. I did make mistakes even though I prayed I would not, so it seems that God used this adverse circumstance to move me from this job into another new phase of life. 

And so I write this entry not guided by earthly wisdom, but by the grace of God. I "boast" of my actions not because I am proud, but because when I stand before Him, I want others able to say of me that I served God simply and sincerely. And I want to be able to say the same of many of you. Use the grace God gives you. Do not deny the talents or gifts that God provided you. Embrace them and use them to glorify the Lord and share the Gospel. It isn't "boasting" in the selfish sense if you realize that all of your skills and talents are from Him, and you are merely the vessel He uses.

All in all, I'm doing much better. I guess I've hit the "acceptance" stage of the grieving process. I'm sure I'll regress from time to time because there are still scars from this and other hurts, but God willing I'll continue striving to live simply and sincerely for Him.

Unemployed by man, supported and loved by God,
Teapotjan