Teapot Trepidation

At times, my journey from guilt to grace has been so difficult, confusing and frightening that I almost turned back to the old, familiar ways of my world inside the bubble. There I could fall back on the teaching of men I had once respected, hang around with those of like faith and dress and talk and walk and desperately work to maintain the fragile integrity of my filmy cage.

But I can't, I just can't go back. The freedom I find in the light of His grace sits too sweetly on my lips. That light draws my eyes upward to Him and my eternal home making this world, especially the one in that bubble, dark and murky with guilt. This rich fellowship I enjoy with Him even in the midst of a storm of depression far outweighs the familiar and tedious tasks of working to be a good citizen of the bubble.

However, there is a scary side to this journey. Even while we begin to realize the full joy of His grace, we look around to see things that we once held as truth disappear into the murky abyss of our former guilt. Questions flood our minds and fill us with doubt.

What to do? First, realize that it is okay to question everything. When we question and find answers it solidifies what we believe. Why do we say the Bible is God's word? Why does God allow suffering? Did God really create the universe? Can we really know God's will or is it a guessing game? This first stage leaves us vulnerable and second guessing everything we believe. In my experience this was the scariest time. I was unsure of myself, unsure of my faith and . . . angry!

Anger? Yes. It seems to be the second stage of the process. How dare those preacher and teachers lead congregations to believe that embracing their own particular set of preferences led to being a good Christian! How dare the preacher say that having a dog in the house was sin and that working on Sunday was wrong while he ate out in restaurants after church! How dare they define how we live, vacation, entertain, dress, sing, etc. based on their interpretation of the Scriptures! How dare they take over the job of the Holy Spirit! How dare they preach and teach and say they love God and cheat on their spouses and act like sinful humans and carry on like it wasn't their fault! ARGH!

I still have many moments when this feeling wells up inside me as I come across yet another man made rule credited as doctrine, but I'm also learning how to handle it with God's help. God doesn't leave us in the midst of doubt and anger. In my next post, I'll discuss how to question without losing faith, and how to discern Biblical preference from man made reasoning.

Asking Him questions and receiving His answers,

Teapotjan